It’s not from me.
Man, I was given a bottle of eggnog FOR FREE at work last week! And I forgot it in the fridge there until today. I gave up hope that it was still fresh and delicious, and felt a momentary shock of fear and loathing for myself upon discovering it behind the ceasar salads. I brought it home anyway, and just had a peek at the Best Before date and its good until next April
What the fuck. This is just cream and eggs right? Jesus christ, the preservation powers of nutmeg and christmas cheer are stunning. Does that not seem unnatural to anyone else though? My milk lasts until january, my bread for 2 weeks and I have had a bag of carrots in the fridge for a month that are still as stiff as my dick at my first Spice Girls concert. My tomatoes however seem to only last a day or two. Fuck you tomatoes, you pathetic sons of bitches. You will rue the day you spoiled on me! I was going to fry you up with an egg but you can just THINK AGAIN if you think THATS ever going to happen, you rotten bastards. Damn it.
Im really hungry. A bottle of egg nog is probably a poor choice for dinner, speaking strictly on a nutritional level here, I know its a fucking sweet ass dinner in other forms of theory. I WONT be a lazy cunt, and I WILL make a cheese sammich.
While Im gone, watch this. Its as delicious as a cheese sammich, so it will be like youre eating along with me.
You got a mouth like a herd of boll weevils
Mississippi, God Damn! I love Nina Simone. And I love Cheese. Fuck!
So I know I hinted yesterday that today I would be fruity and In Any Way Interesting and Worth The Bother. AWIOWTB. Aweeowtiby. I guess Im a damn liar. I am however, very full of fruit. I have been eating so much fruit. It inspired this bit of poetry, 10 minutes prior.
4 I need a Pee
Or a Poo
So don’t hold your breath