Pleasure Is The Carrot


It’s 4 in the afternoon and Im just getting up out of bed now. No it’s not overpowering malaise that has lead this to happen, its A TERRIBLE ILLNESS.

I came home from work, because I have had pretty severe stomach cramps since 9pm last night. My stomach swelled up like a beach balloon at an outdoor summer rock concert. Obviously something was horribly wrong with me. Some kind of irreversible itis has taken hold!

Help.

I’m Dying. I’m dying.

No Im just a fucking idiot and without noticing ate an ENTIRE bag of baby carrots while watching tv last night. Not the small bag either.

So apparently, if you eat an ENTIRE BAG of baby carrots in one sitting the little orange bastards suck up all the water and juicy juices of your stomach and do a good job of plugging the part where your stomach empties out its good deeds of the day into the small intestine.

It hurts like a bugger.

I learned this by googling it, apparently I’m not the only dobie bastard to do this to themselves. Anyway, its been twenty and a half hours and it feels like it’s mostly cleared out.

Upside: Now I can see in the dark super well and my shit glows a stunning neon orange.

Lesson: Don’t eat an entire bag of baby carrots in 20 minutes.

Neutral Milk Hotel – King of Carrot Flowers pt 1.mp3

Neutral Milk Hotel – King of Carrot Flowers pt 2 & 3.mp3

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Author: Kara Lalalala

I write this blog for my family cause I am terrible at letters & emails.

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