OKAY SO I had the best dream.
Immediately after baking a delicious peach and plum and berry bumble crumble I passed out on my bed with all my blankets on my face. I dreamed an entire romantic comedy. This is how it went..
I’m Drew Barrymore and I’m trying to rescue an orange cat named Smarmalade from the air vent in my house.
Then the doorbell rings! SURPRISE its my entire family come for a family reunion at 10 o clock at night! Everyone files in and starts cooking stuff in the kitchen when the doorbell rings again. Low and Behold its my ex husband. Brad Pitt. White tank top and aviators. Fuck yes.
I’m initially angry he’s here, cause I have my whole family here and it makes no sense plot-wise. He explains he has come tonight because he is going away for a long time and wants to “rekindle” our relationship one last time before he goes.. or two or three times, whatever. FUCK yes!
So we race into the basement where my family hasnt infiltrated yet, and start doing sexy Drew Barrymore Brad Pitt stuff when goddamn it, my baby cousin comes in to give me a mixtape she made me. So we decide to find somewhere private and sneak into the neighbors house cause they are away on vacation.
Only their 85 year old father isn’t, and is very confused to see Brad Pitts naked ass on his couch.
Soooo after stealing some pie from his fridge, we run into the woods and start doing it by a river and ooooh its so romantic — BAM! I fly off into the bushes and come out with a fish hook in my cheek– an old man is fly fishing in the river and has caught me right in the face. ARGGH!
This continues for a while.. breaking into a hardware store by my house and the alarms go off.. trying to do it at the back of a theatre and a sewing circle comes in called the “Chai Knitters”.. they drink chai tea and knit and go see midnight movies together.
Finally towards the end there is even a twist! It turns out Brad Pitt is sexually frustrating me on purpose because it’s just really funny. I also have a wacky sidekick; my cousin Michelle who’s career is shooting wacky youtube videos. Her current artistic vision is sumo wrestlers racing up a steep hill on tiny motorcycles. Excellent.