White Trash Wonderland

Plomp.

 

Still alive over here! We’ve been groggy, phlegmy, sore, snot covered bastards for the better part of this week. Spending our days shuffling from room to room, laying about sniffling and sipping honey tea and spreading our germs onto every possible surface. Our first sickness in New Zealand!

I’m very exciting, I’ve managed to land myself a couple of job interviews early next week. Eee! A job! I never thought I would be excited to go back to work ever again. But its no good being broke ass. Both positions are even in kitchens, I didn’t have to resort to data entry or god forbid.. nannying. *shiver*

However, Ive been such an absolute lump for the week, when I finally stood in front of a mirror, it was pretty horrifying. My hair is doing a kind of scraggly hockey player thing, and my wardrobe although indisputedly awesome, included far too many dragon themed items. So we had a shopping montage!

I gots my hair did. By an awesome Fa’afafine fellow who was bloody amazing, he was doing 3 peoples hair at once and I still got out of there in record time. Also, my haircut is the best one I ever had!

And then we had to find professional grown up lady clothes….. I hate clothes shopping. One of the first things I picked out was bright neon yellow tights. The girl at the counter looked at them and said “Oh, are you buying this for a halloween party or something?” And I proudly said “No! A job interview!” Humph.

I am not, how you say, a natural shopper. After about an hour and a half of taking pants on and off while I frowned deeply at myself from 3 different directions I gave up. CB had been posted outside the change room that was unfortunately in the ladies lingerie section of the store and he tried to avoid looking like some kind of deviant by playing iPhone games with a new level of focused intensity. I did find a shirt and jacket and immediately felt like having a nap for the rest of my life. We took a sushi break. Mmmm miso miso, fighting in the dojo! So nice.

Luckily Rosie popped up after lunch just as we were losing steam and imbued us with a new sense of purpose and vitality. We headed straight to Kmart and the Reduced To Clean store, where packaged food products go to die.

OH the majesty that is K-Mart! I haven’t been in one since I was about 10 years old before they closed them all down in Canada. It was EXACTLY THE SAME! It even had the same products, I saw atleast 4 toys I had as a kid. It was amazing. I also got a jacket and skirt for $35! YEEEAAAAHHHHH! I also bought 3 lego men mystery grab bags.. because, I can. Mine was a geisha! CB’s was a little boy in pj’s holding a teddy bear and I was forced to trade with him, because thats a creepy ass thing for a grown man to own. Rosie, rather fittingly because she works on the Spartacus television show, got a little lego Roman Soldier!

At the discount food store I purchased two amazing products. #1 was made by Cadbury, expired last week, and it was just blobs of hokey pokey (honeycomb) with cornflakes covered in milk chocolate. Holy baby jesus, it’s like crack drugs. Also, I was in the market for a toothbrush and lo and behold they had the mother of all toothbrushes. Bright green, long, elegant shape, it vibrates in 3 different intensities and was discontinued due to a large number of peoples daughters spending an inordinate amount of time on oral hygiene… for $5. AWESOME!

KFC pie

Oh and then today, we did something bad…

We snuck out of the house at the crack of noon like a couple of sneaks and had a late breakfast of PIE! But not just any pie..

KENTUCKY FRIED PIE.

Buttery almost biscuity pastry, filled with mashed potato, chunks of KFC chicken and that sweet sweet ambrosia that is KFC gravy. Uhngngngngggg so good. It was pretty amazing, but I immediately regretted eating it AS I was finishing eating it. Actually just thinking about it now is making my heart beat more slowly and erratically.. hm.. that probably is healthy.

While we were out I grabbed some baking materials, so I can whip up some good old fashioned home made bribery for my job interviews tomorrow. Wish me luck!

 

 

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Author: Kara Lalalala

I write this blog for my family cause I am terrible at letters & emails.

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