Dumpling Humpling


Ive had a mad all consuming craving for good Chinese dumplings for a while. A quick google on “the best dumplings in Auckland” led us to New Flavour Restaurant on Dominion Rd in Mount Eden. The windows were so steamy from making dumplings you couldn’t even see inside. It was SO DAMN GOOD. Holy god. Best dumplings of my LIFE!

For $8 you get 20 home made dumplings. We got pork & chive and pork & pickled cabbage and they were so damn tasty. The pork and pickled cabbage were just the best kind of funky and each dumpling had that little pocket of soup that the meat and veg make inside when it steams. So so yum. We shared some crispy sweet & sour pork and its now my second favourite thing in the world after dumplings. Damn son, that shit was crispy. We were so full we had to roll all the way to the movie theatre to catch our late night screening of Spiderman in glorious 2 Dimensions. Also so good. Finally a spiderman movie I would watch without throwing up in my pants.  What a nice evening.

But the dumplings grew up into a full grown dump.

Remember that picture I took of my market-day haul? Remember the 3 kilos of mandarin oranges on the table? Did you know, that eating a kilo of mandarin oranges can result in crazy amounts of diarrhea!?

Yeah I actually did, but I did it anyway. It was totally worth the entire day of listening to my guts rumble like a wooden roller coaster and then run teetering off to the bathroom. I was reading #1 Ladies Detectice Agency, tum grumbling away, and could see the dog across the room staring at me with a look of total confusion. The highlight for me though, was midway through poop #4, I decided I best crack a window. So I’m pooping away, enjoying the light breezy breeze breezing in, singing a little supportive poop song to myself, when this wasp flies in. A really damn big black wasp. And I’m watching him, wearily, still pooping away. And he started getting visibly pissed off at being trapped in my little stink dungeon, and is buzzing real loud.

And Im poooping, pooping pooping. The he starts furiously stinging the window, buzzing with pure waspy anger.

Pause pooping.

Run, pants around ankles, fling open the bathroom door.. okay don’t actually know what my plan was with this, now I’m pants down with the door open. Turn on the light. No what the hell are you doing. Turn off the light. So I go back over, and start blowing the wasp towards the window, as if Im a helpful wind. That’d worked, and I was free to poop away the rest of the afternoon, with the window closed, and not covered in wasp stings and orange scented diarrhea.

So let that be a lesson to you. Limit your mandarin intake. No one needs 1200% their daily recommended intake of vitamin C, it’s just not necessary. Just remember this helpful little tune “Too many oranges will give you.. diarrheranges”
And then after a nice steak dinner, we retired to bed. I was feeling much better. We spent the night in bed cuddling each other, watching cartoons, farting on the cat and laughing like idiots about it. It was, romantic.

Author: Kara Lalalala

I write this blog for my family cause I am terrible at letters & emails.

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