Max ChillinZ’ all Sick an iLL

Oh woe is my toe

No blogs have been happening because Ive been incapacitated with a poo virus. Bleaugh. CB and I have just been spending all day and night in bed, alternating between sweating and shivering, thieving each others covers and watching Adventure Time. Jake The Dog + Finn The Human + Codeine = the best medicine. CB was sicker than me though, but due to being a gentleman, made a concerted effort to avoid blorching on me. We shut all the curtains and made a dark little germy womb. We tucked ourselves under a pile of blankets, with a fortress of snotty Kleen-exs and wished for death. It was impossible to track the passage of time. Dozing off for what I thought was a few hours only to strain my impossibly heavy head up to check the time on the laptop.. 3 minutes. Whaaaaa. I was a good nursemaid though, providing CB  with damp cloths to cool his feverish brains and a large salad bowl to use for any spontaneous barfs.

On Monday we spent all day gathering our strengths to be able to sit up in bed long enough to watch… THE NEW EPISODE OF DOCTOR WHO! I even meandered downstairs to whip us up some treats. In lieu of pop and chips (driving to the store in our state to purchase said items would probably have been inadvisable) I made lemonade and popcorn. I cant taste anything though and apparently the lemonade was like slightly watered down sugar, and the popcorn was SO salty and SO buttery. It was swimming in salty butter. Oh no. We sat bundled in duvets like elegant cloaks and watched The Doctor be amazing, and we felt magically better.

I managed to drive CB into work on Tuesday, but spent the rest of the day comatose feeling like a Mac truck had rolled over my sorry butt. At one point I got up, took 3 or 4 special flu pills, my new favourite thing, and decided randomly to make a nice chicken stew. I was sauteeing my onions, and was just about to chop my chicken and fry it when I noticed it felt kind of weird in my hand. Kind of stiff, and along the edges it looked .. orange. It didn’t smell bad though. I decided to just put it in the fridge until CB came home, just in case. The second he opened the fridge, he gagged so hard I thought his tongue was going to fall out. The package said it expired 5 days ago. No go on the stew. So oops, almost killed us, yeah, but now I know not to trust my nose & tongue when sickly.

This morning I woke up with the cat on my head. I can’t understand why, but the cat is preoccupied with trying to crawl in my mouth as soon as possible every morning. She settled for settling on top of my head, but I was determined to sleep in for 3 more snoozes god damn it. After pie and flat whites with CB before work I came home only to discover a land of intense stink and rot. Because Ive been out of commission, everything has just continued to fester.. funny how that works. I found that rotten chicken in the fridge.. that was a problem. But nothing is a problem, with a pair of rubber gloves. I slip those bad boys on and I AM THE UNTOUCHABLE EMPRESS OF CLEAN. Its like it allows my inner German to come bubbling to the surface and makes me just want to clean and sterilize everything. Blasting some sweet, sweet Roy Orbison, I cleaned with feverish intensity. I even cleaned the dang ol carpet.

BLEACH FOR EVERYTHING!

Everything gets bleach!

Hooray!

DIE SCUM DIE!
WAHAHAHA! Wahahaha! Wahahahaha.. maybe should have cracked a window before using that carpet stain remover…

Oh also I won a contest for best chicken recipe on Instructables, HOO-RAY! I love that website so much. I won a sweet as all get out knife set for BUTCHERY! Yeeeeahhh! Scissors for cutting up a whole chicken! Amazing! Stay tuned for that..

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Author: Kara Lalalala

I write this blog for my family cause I am terrible at letters & emails.

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