Moovin’ on up

September 15th, 4:36 pm. I have officially, finished doing, the dishes. 2 weeks ago, I filled a bowl with all the dirty cutlery to soak.. and I just washed it today. All I can say is, thank baby jesus in heaven for rubber gloves. Gross. DON’T JUDGE ME. Anyway, it’s over now.

So far today I did 3 loads of laundry, played with the pigs, read a book, brought CB his lunch which he forgot all the way at work, had numerous high intensity dance parties with the poodles, and picked up a mom and her son who were hitch hiking. They were headed to the bakery! To buy her daughter some going away treats, as she was flying down to Hamilton at lunch. Only they couldn’t walk fast enough and weren’t going to get there in time. Who better to take them, but a wandering baker girl meandering on her way home. Excellent.

Hmmmm… should have stopped and got a couple of lamingtons for myself.. no one had to know about it. Missed my chance.

I just came back in from moving the cows! Sadly, for the last time. I strapped on the camera, thinking it was a great idea, despite my proximity to 600lb hamburgers with legs, and the encroaching rain clouds. Don’t tell CB… oops. SORRY CB! Its funny cause he got me this hilarious clear plastic contraption with 3 long tubes coming off a plastic bag that youre meant to stick your camera and arms and.. face (?) inside to take pictures in the rain.. but I cant find it, even though its probably the most conspicuous looking object ever.

Before I even got started I got both boots stuck in the mud. My genius way of getting out was to slowly lean my whole body over until I was level with the hill, and crawl out of my boots onto the grass on my belly, then pull the boots out of the mud. Off to a good start.

It’s a fair hike up the hill to the top pasture where the cows are currently mooing about. Look at the rainy grey majesty!

Finally at the top. One problem though, I can only find one cow. The smart one though! So thats good. All I had to do is open the gate, and she waltzed right on through like a good little cow.

Then began the harrowing experience of poking around the field looking for the rest of the cows. It was a bit daunting because I’m on a hill, and its covered with 6-10 foot tall patches of thick gorse. I was so afraid I was going to turn the corner and startle a cow and have it karate kick me to a lumpy dead blob and no one would find me for weeks. Even worse I’d break CB’s camera.

Luckily I found them, and they all got the idea pretty swiftly and walked through the correct gate without hoofing me in the throat. And I didn’t pee on my own pants!

To avoid going through the paddock I just let the cows into and increasing my chances of death, I decided to go through the sheep paddock. I’m afraid of them too. They are new moms, and as we all know, moms are fucking CRAZY! I don’t know if they’re going to maul me or bite me or trample me up.. mostly they just ran away from me baahing in fear.

WHICH MEANT, it got Rolly and his gang of rough sheep men all up in a tizzy and he was ready to destroy me if I came near him. So I had to awkwardly roll my tubby body over the fence by perching precariously like a board on top of it so as not to electrocute my vag on the electric wires, and tipping over the side. Like a bloody gymnast.

Shalimar was so glad I was safe. She watched me from the pig pen the whole time, probably laughing her little cat ass off.

I found the ducks hanging out getting up to no good in the orchard and yelled at them to come home. They came running back in a line, quacking for their evening snack. This photo was taken just after I throw them their chicken pellets and just before Shalimar decided my hand was a better scratching post then the wooden gate. ARGH!
I survive, another day, in farm time.

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Author: Kara Lalalala

I write this blog for my family cause I am terrible at letters & emails.

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