A Hole in my Bucket, Dear Liza


Today at work a sharp young magician— sorry, Illusionist, told me about a hot new taste sensation sweeping the nation. Salty cashews and gin & tonic. I though that sounded like the absolute top balls, so thats what I’m having for my dinner. Just a precautionary note; this blog may rapidly degrade with each passing paragraph. Grammar B DAMMED!

I don’t really have much to write about, but no one in Canada is awake yet and I have no friends anywhere else in the world so I’m turning to you, blog, for companionship on this cold Saturday night. Its a really clear night out and I was just standing out on the back porch letting the starlight pour into my soul and gin pour into my gullet. The best thing about cold nights here is everyone has their wood burning stoves raging to keep them ya know, alive, and the smell is amazing. The worst thing is we don’t have one and Im freezing my dang ol’ taters off! So inside I went. And inside I am! Now, currently. Bundled on the couch listening to funk and googling pictures of mid 90’s Drew Barrymore. Pree-ow. The possums are shuffling around in the attic over my head and every so often our chubster little mouse races out from under the stove to see if Ive dropped any of my nuts on the floor for him. So I’m not completely alone.

I’ve got 2 more weeks left at my current job and they are going to be the death of me. 4 weeks notice is an achingly long time. I actually had a dream 2 nights ago, where I came into work and everyone was doing some strange crap and no one would explain to me why they were doing it so I killed them all. Hahaha. I killed them all. Probably shouldnt have told them all about that dream today, things got awkwardddd….

My healthiness goal is going.. okayyy.. not much to report on there, but Im not eating ALL the pies anymore so that’s helping. The Rock is still my Thinspiration. I think about him a couple of times a day. I love that guy. CAN YOU SMELL-L-L-L-L-L What the ROCK is COOOKIN’???

On my days off coming up I want to get back on the motorcycle! CB is going to teach me how to turn the bike around! Yay!

Im hardcore addicted to solitaire on my phone.. I play it every time I get a second where Im not doing anything so.. on the toilet, on the elevator, while Im walking down the hallway at work.. yeah not good. According to this Ive played 1189 games of Solitaire and have won.. 43.. sooooo not SUPER great at it, but I am REAL fast! CB has to take my phone away from me at night sometimes so I’ll actually go to sleep. But soon he falls alseep and I just play a couple of quick games under the blanket! Its the lamest addiction in the history of mankind.

I’m still sick. I cough a lot. Every time I laugh it turns into geriatric wheezing followed by doubling over and going red in the face. So I try to avoid hilarity at all costs. Which is easy to do at work. Although today I taught my coworkers how to find their “chub face” by squeezing their cheeks in towards their nose as hard as possible and then saying “PIZZA!!”. That was pretty great. Also this week I dumped out a panna cotta base from a bucket and had this enormous gelatinous mass wobbling all seductively in front of me. No one was around and I just couldn’t help myself.. I gave it a little slap. And I liked it. It jiggled in a really satisfying way, if ya know what I mean. So I gave it another. Before long, the Jamaican was slappin’ that thang, hand on his hip, just givin’er hell! Our Turkish friend even came over to see what all the fun was about and had a go. Then he was just beating the ever loving stuffing out of my giant italian cream blob. When he started making noises I shut it down. Just got out of hand… He was in fact not ready for that jelly. Made my day though!

Anyway, Im getting tired of typing and am starting to desperately crave a more horizontal existence. Sleep tight kids n kittens!




Author: Kara Lalalala

I write this blog for my family cause I am terrible at letters & emails.

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