So.. We’re moving to Newfoundland.

Yep. I know. Oh, I know.

Our time in NZ has come sadly come to an abrupt halt as my new job ended up being a total mistake disaster. But, I have taken a very nice job at a hotel on a small subarctic island. Population about 2000, if you count tugboats with ladies names. How can a girl turn THAT down? Not even joking! We are flying out in a couple of weeks and in the meantime we have to completely dismantle the modest life we were finally starting to build for ourselves here and stuff it back into 2 duffel bags. Needless to say everybody, your NZ presents are going to have to be very small and light. Cartoon kiwi bird bookmarks for everyone! I’ll make it rain bookmarks on y’all!

CB’s at work so Im in charge of cleaning and sorting. Its been such a crazy whirlwind, we quit my current job and signed contracts for the new one and CBs mum was buying our plane tickets in less than a week. Its been hard to digest, and a bit exhausting. Now sitting here amoung all our trinkets I have time to feel kind of sad. We don’t have much, but I liked what we had. Oh well, its all off to the little Presbyterian charity shop down the road for some adorable old ladies to sell. Goodbye 1970s slowcooker, goodbye ancient brown teapot, goodbye selection of mismatched cutlery and assortment of mugs with random decals. Its just stuff anyway.

We are actually super excited to be headed back to Canada. Its ironically the exact opposite side of the world. So, 17 hour plane ride, followed by a furious tour of hugs for family and friends we havent seen in almost 2 years, and then a 3 day journey by car to NFLD. The parents took the very surprising news well. My family just jabbered all at once excitedly for about 5 solid minutes, and then seemed to get very tired, and wandered off. My mom and sister have been very sweet already making a pile of casserole dishes and corelle plates for us to pack in our trunk with us.

With any luck that trunk will belong to our BRAND NEW CAR!!!…. a 2003 Buick Century. Yeah, thats how we roll. Like the most Pimpinest G-Daddy this side of Pickering.

For the love of all that is holy as I write this it sounds like a monster is standing outside the door burping. WTF!!

Oh god.. Im probably going to get burp murdled. Help! Oh sidenote. I had one of my best White Trash Westie moments the other night. We left a little bag of garbage from cleaning out our car on the porch. I was being kept awake all night by the sound of something tearing into it. It sounded like a goddamn grizzly bear. Or an axe murderer just trying to throw me off the track, make me think they are a grizzly bear. So I finally got the nerve to get out of bed, wrapped myself in a blanket, and armed with a fork and a flashlight, peeked out the window. There on the porch, covered in pie crumbs, was a rat the size of a small poodle. THATS NOT AN EXAGGERATION! The thing was atleast 2 feet long, and another 2 feet of tail. I shine the light on it, and it stops, and looks up at me, dead in the eye, with its beady little rat eyes, and I saw it THINKING. And it said “Crazy white bitch do not think about interrupting my fine meal.” My eyes were like 0_0. And then, I reached out for the door knob.. and SWUNG OPEN THE DOOR, buck ass naked, swinging the flashlight all over the place like a fucking disco party and screaming “RAT RAT RAT GO RAT GO RAT GO GO GO!”. It went. Rat go. And then I was alone in the dark, naked and full of adrenalin from having scolded a rat. It was.. retardo, actually, and I had a hard time sleeping after that so I stayed up most of the night watching That 70’s Show. Fez is awesome..

Anyway, yeah, so.. salt box house, beside the ocean, wood fire place, hanging the linens out on a line and chasing newfoundland dogs down the beach, like a Newfoundland Tourist Board commercial, that will be me. I’ll put up a lot of pictures of our epic cross planet road trip!


Author: Kara Lalalala

I write this blog for my family cause I am terrible at letters & emails.

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