16 Bit Wolf Pack

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We had a really nice day yesterday. In the morning we got up with the sun to tidy the house for our landlord to come over and inspect. So we had to furiously scrub all the lipstick pentagrams off the walls and spray the curry stains with carpet stain spray. CB scooted out on his motorcycle to the mechanics for a going over and to grab us ALL of the breakfast. He came back with bags of pies and sausages stuffed with mashed potatoes. Glorious, GLORIOUS! The inspection went well. For some reason here whenever you are being nice and honest everyone thinks youre trying to pull one over on them.. maybe its just our accents, make us seem like devious foreigners.

And then we had the rest of the day to ourselves. So I made a pot of tea, set out two chocolate bars, took off our pants and CB set up a LAN connection so we could play Minecraft together! I hadnt done that since playing the first Diablo with my Cousin and his friend Ryan so we could kill the Butcher boss together cause it was too scary to do it alone and I kept screaming and unplugging the computer.

First off, I spawn underwater with a pack of wolves. Very disorientating. But then the wolves wont leave me alone. And there are so many of them. Like, dozens of wolves, like they are attracted to me from miles away. I thought it was wonderful and jumped around through fields of roses with my adoring pet wolves but CB was all annoyed and confused and telling me thats not supposed to happen. But I knew it was a video game miracle just for me. And I loved them. They werent exactly tame though, and if you hit them, which I did a LOT because I dont know how to operate the computer Ive had for 6 years, they ate me. Really fast. Without remorse. It was realistic.

So the novelty wore off after a while. Especially as they were a serious hindrance to doing what a wanted to do most in the game, which was ride around on CB’s elaborate rail systems! It was like an awesome roller coaster under mountains, through caverns up into the sky and town to town. But imagine trying to be on a roller coaster, with a pack of wolves. It just doesn’t work. CB was all like “ARGH I HATE THESE STUPID WOLVES” and proceeded to slaughter them all. And I was sad. And lonely. Until he gave me a really big sword! And golden armor! Until recently I was using a little  grey square that the game said was “wool” as a weapon, so this was a major step up for me.

And we adventured! Like mighty square warriors, oh we adventured! I had a rucksack full of potatoes, pork chops and bits of rotten zombie flesh leftover from our first blood pumping skirmish with ZOMBIES so we were good to go. Pretty much my only concern when having adventures is that I have picnic supplies at the ready. Oh, and my wolves came back! And CB killed them. And they came back again! And he killed them again, it went on like that.

We adventured far and wide! Well okay mostly CB just taught me how to operate doors and then followed me around when I fell down holes and into caverns. I fell into some MIGHTY caverns. But we made the most of it, and I did some quality mining. So in addition to some snacks I had a variety of ores and some nice gems! Everything was going well. I should mention at this point I have mastered moving forward while looking forward and CB is a hovering zombie faced pirate looking character with godlike powers. I fumble around like a retard getting distracted by sheep and gems while he lights the way with torches and kills bad guys for me. It was just like real life. And just like real life, I’m terrible at it and CB has to fix all my problems, ha ha ha ha

Anyway I can only play games for about 30 minutes until either my attention span runs out or I get a thundering headache from the amount of learning my brain is having to do to operate simple controls. In this case it was the latter, because the game is actually super fun. Its like Lego, only a 3D world, where I can kill things and have wolf buddies.

After that, we had a nice warm afternoon nap until it was time for dinner. We took the Abel family out for Indian food at one of our old haunts on Henderson Valley Road called Tandoori Flame. They brought a couple bottles of wine and I was the brave soul to loudly request 8 orders of naan bread without shame so we had a great old time. Yvonne is halfway through nursing school and Rosie is working at a dental office so we heard all kinds of amazingly gross stories! Blopd and guts and poop and a catheters and receding jaw bones, all the good stuff. Many fart jokes were told and we feasted on a mighty feast. It was a proper days end for a proper wolf mother warrior queen and her supernatural protector zombie butler.

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Author: Kara Lalalala

I write this blog for my family cause I am terrible at letters & emails.

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