Ham Candy


Instead of doing the dishes, I have written several poems about ham in various styles.

Bon appetit.

P.S CB made that wicked cool ass ham. ALL HAMS ARE ASS! Are they…? Oh .. my…

But not all butts are ham. Butts are shoulders. But hams are butts. But butts are buns! And BUNS ARE FUNS!

First poem.

Ham Fan!

Acrostic Style

H ow can you be so

A wesome?

M ucho gusto!

Ham 4EVR

Lame freeystyle rap

My sweetest oinkers

rubbing ya butts in those puddles

wanna take your for some cuddles

See you snuffling in the grass

Making noises that are crass

Looking for some tasty taters

Big booty, dont got time for haters

But yo, you don’t even consider

How delicious your body is

Butter makes you better

But sugar makes you sweet

Your meat is such a treat

Skin like ham candy

Beef is neat but pork is DANDY!


Ham Dinner

Limerick Style

There once was a ham on my plate

For many a ham I do ate

I took a big bite

And,  oh such delight!

Wish I could take this ham on a date!

Ham, a haiku

The grease on my chin

Sticky fingers grasp for more

I love ham 4ever.


A Sonnet

Oh pinkest flesh that fills my heart with lust,

Yielding under tooth and knife,

Coyly splayed slices, tempting brown sugar crust

Best thing in my life.

Adorned with beauteous pineapple rings

Like those of Saturn in the heavens

Or maybe Uranus.

You Spellbinder! You have caused unto me the Itis!

For lo, in my sleep, a dreadful smog enteres my chambers–

Of a smell, I dare not invite it!

Like fire from forgotten embers,

The Fartening comes quick upon the hour!

And hither, it does in invade my dreams

Through the silence comes a great howl!

Rough winds do shake the darling bods of CB,

How is it something so soft and pink and sweet,

Can maketh so for a night of regrets and pleas…


Author: Kara Lalalala

I write this blog for my family cause I am terrible at letters & emails.

One thought on “Ham Candy”

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