Blow Me Down!

As you can see in this striking piece of cinematography, there’s a wee bit of blowy business happening outside. I cut out the end of the video where you can hear CB shout from the other room “Peanut… do you have the DOOR OPEN!?” Ha. Oops.

I am not exaggerating when I say it’s literally blown me straight off my feet twice today just trying to get to the car. The journey alone from the door to the car is something of a trek. It reminds me of the scene on the mountain in The Hobbit. Only with less dwarves and more crying. It’s blown great dunes of snow against the house. It’s pretty beautiful, twisting and curling into white waves. Of ice and pain and death. It would be beautiful, if you could actually see it through the relentless howling winds sandblasting your face with millions of tiny ice pellets, your dear, sweet epidermis flying away into the gale. Everytime you open your mouth to breathe the wind whips the air straight out of your lungs, then slams you into a snowbank. Sprawled out helpless like a legless turtle in your too-tight winter bundle, mittens flailing trying to find something to grab. You realize with snow so deep and the wind’s banshee screams, no one can see you or hear your feeble little cries, like a baby harp seal… a drive way can be a dangerous place. What Would Bear Grylls DO!? Maybe I should take my clothes off.. or drink my pee..

You can see the snow peeking in our windows, 10 feet off the ground like giant abominable perverts. In order to navigate from here to the car you have to sneak in the divets between dunes. Which is essentially.. a wind tunnel, and just takes you off your feet and slams you into the snow every few steps. Every surface  that isnt covered in an 8 foot pile of snow, has been polished to a slippery icy sheen. Which is kind of great because once out of the wind tunnel, you can just stand and be blown without taking a single step to the car. Where it just punches you like a meaty fist against the drivers side door. Pompfghh.. You then have to try to open the door against the wind, and get in before it slams back closed, breaking your fragile lady bones. I nearly lost my left ankle. Damn you, osteoperosis! Why didnt I just drink more milk shakes..

The car is also SUPREMELY pissed off with being started in weather like this. Every nook and cranny has been packed with fine snow. It pushes itself awake but takes a few more for everything, brakes, included, apparently, to kick into action. Thats fun! Sorry Buick!

It makes me just want to stay in here:

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My rats nest. Every pillow and blanket in the house thrown into a pile, under which I nestle with my Nestle. I have a “snack cupboard” beside my pillow where I keep treats for nocturnal nourishment. A bag of almonds, and some chocolate bars.. CB hates it when I eat chocolate in bed because everything gets brown smears all over it. I don not see the problem. I also keep a flashlight beside my pillow for reading books under the covers, otherwise outside of them my nose gets too cold and runny while I’m trying to read. Its very distracting and the pages start getting stuck together so I just figured out I better get under there. It’s nice!

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I just finished the Ursula LeGuin book, which was pretty good. I’m now onto Heinlein’s The Man Who Sold The Moon which has very very fine print and I think I must be getting old because its hurting my grandma eyes.

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Get out of bed only for a cup of tea. Even my tea pot is giving me the bloody stink eye. Looking at me like “Oh no you are NOT thinking about making tea in me today, girlfriend!”

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Eat a nice piece of toast. Chewy, crunchy, nutty toast, covered in butter, parmesan cheese and honey. Don’t judge me, it’s delicious!

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Why do I feel like I’m being watched…

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The BEST dinner for a horrible, brutal winter day. German comfort food at it’s best!  Saurkraut with cheesy sausages, sweet potato hashbrowns and mayonnaise (due to lack of sour cream). MMMM! This reminds me of home so much, even though it’s not nearly as good as my mom and dads.

Now that I’m warmed up I guess I can start putting away the groceries. It’s like a fridge in here anyway so they’re fine sitting on the kitchen table. Meh. I bought PUDDING!!!

PUDDING!!!

Outies 5000.

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Author: Kara Lalalala

I write this blog for my family cause I am terrible at letters & emails.

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