Icebergers. Get IT!? DO YOU GET IT!
That plate of thin crispy burgers with melting cheese and bacon basking in a glow of warm sun light is my current sexual fetish. NAY! Or do they do bask? Or are they, in truth, creating their own ethereal glow of pure spiritual bliss manifestiing on this physical plane as burger shaped deities of perfection? Or have I just been drinking rye and cokes since getting home– you know what that reminds me of—
Hot Adult Life Tip #456
If You Have No Clean Glasses Because You Live Your Life Like a Filthy Hobo Scrubmuffin; Just Take A Few Swigs Out Of the 2L Bottle, And Feel The Effortless Freedom That Comes From The Moment You Say FUCK IT And Pour The Whiskey Right Into The Bottle. DO NOT SHAKE. Stir, if you must, but you’ll have to wipe that week old kung pao from a chopstick to get the job done right..
Speaking of moments of genius in the kitchen. My dinner routine lately has been pretty stellar. I come home, immediately drop trou before my boots are even off– completely giving less than two shits about our kitchen being entirely made of windows. I know everyone has seen walmart floral print underpants before, if you’re telling me you’re not wearing the same ones right now YOU ARE A G.D.’d LIAR. Then I stand pantless in the middle of the room eating Velveeta Cheese slices, staring blankly in a trance like state. Thinking slow thoughts. Letting the wrappers flutter to the ground around my feet like delicate, transparent leaves falling from the sad Charlie Brown Christmas Tree that is me. Even though that was a pine.. which is deciduous.. ergo no leaves.. anyway!
Today I decided to take it up a notch and treat myself to a home cooked meal. Can of tuna.. chop a pickle.. add some leftover sweet chili salad dressing.. and mayo.. annnnnd then put a cheese slice on there. And now I am typing this blog while eating it with the only clean poking type tool– CB’s camping spork. Annnnd dining upon a copy of Modernist Cuisine Im using as a table on my bed, without a single shred of irony. Can’t wait for my days off when I have the energy to deal with this mess. Meaning, the house, and also me. CB is managing just fine, I am really bad at taking basic care of myself.. fffah..
Check out this sweet buffalo chilling out on a frosty morning. I’m going to use it to light fires.
Completely unrelated topic.. work has been pretty good lately. Getting tons done and having tons o fun! Summer is coming and things are starting to pick up momentum which is nice but also makes my butt cheekz clench with nervous anticipation of the inevitable screwing that is going to happen. That was unnecessarily visual I think, sorry. Its just gonna be a wild ride my friends. Also I screwed over my favourite coworker this week by sleeping in and I WILL BE SORRY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! So I have been feeling like a lameass crap. Im sorry Mudder, I’m so sorry. I hope we can still be friends and you will come over for a BBQ and have ice cream. Also Im going to be late on wednesday lOLZ Kidding! (but really I.. yeah..)
Ummm.. what else.. Oh my sister is maybe hopefully possibly for sure maybe I hope coming for a visit in a few weeks. We are all excited to go whale watching and point at icebergs and go to the pony sanctuary on change islands. I wish my whole fam could come because sometimes I am homesick and also everyone loves ponies! PONIESSSSS!
Also I think those ponies are named Sparkle and Flappy. Sparkle has a cool hair do. YEAH THAT ONE’S SPARKLE the other one is so obviously Flappy. I mean look at’em. Totally flappy.
Kinda reminds me of
me and my sister my sister and I (sorry, Nan!) somehow..
No B-Bot is the white one, Piss is the black one, and IM THE GINGER ONE!
Holy christ this is just complete drivvel I need to go to sleep. Stop reading this, it’s pointless and will just make your face do weird things and make you have weird dreams about translucent snakes biting your toes. Does it to me. Or it might be the half dozen cheese slices before bed.. I gotta lay off the slice.
I leave you with this: