Perfectly Spherical Racoons & Also A DEER!

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Derp! Look what I found, just hanging around a wild life park/rehabilitation centre! This here cool dear!

He was most excellent, and we became total 100% buds. I pet his nose and fed him bits of moss and told him cool stories while CB was very impatiently waiting for me to go look at some dumb otter. Which is usually what I live for, but this deer was enchanting. He was great! He followed me along this fence for most of our walk. Probably because he thought I would feed him, but I like to think it was because some kind of deep, lady-animal soul bond. Like virgins have with unicorns. I have with.. derp faced deers in rehab. I didnt ask what he was in for, but after spending time with him I think it may have been for moss addiction. HAW HAW HAW

On to the next thing!

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Look. At. This. ARCTIC FOX.

He is in his fancy winter coat and it, like me in my winter jacket, makes him look like a sausage. It was early in the morning and very cold, but he was up bounding around, pouncing on leaves and stuff. He jumped up and pooped in his house, while looking at us deviously. “Ha ha! Check it out guys! Pooped in my own house! I’m CRAZY! Don’t mess with me! ANARCHY FOX 4EVER”

 

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Next was the moose and black bear enclosures. The moose’s habitat is super big, so it’s pretty unlikely to see him I think. The black bears were still sleeping. Lazy bastards.

This is a peregrine falcon, one of the fastest things to ever exist. Like, I am talking, just super swiftm here.

As a kid, I liked to draw them as much as possible. I was REALLY into drawing eagles and falcons. This one was oddly interested in us, for a bird. He hopped down out of his little roost area to get a better look at the weirdos staring at it. But one of his wings didnt work and he had a hell of a time hopping back up so I felt like a jerkbag for bugging him.

 

 

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Next door were these little hooties! We were watching them so intently, we were freaked out to turn around and find a cougar giving us the old up and down. She liked what she saw, RAWRRR.

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Actually she looks kind of disinterested. I have to admit, I was actually a bit scared. I ran away, to look at this REINDEER!

 

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Hello there big fella!

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Actually he was oddly small. Like I couldn’t have ridden him anywhere at all.

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There was approximately 6,927,192,812,975 bunnies running around. This one was my favourite because it was maxin’ and relaxin’ directly outside the wolf enclosure. Nibbling stuff. What a tease.

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The wolfs paced… biding their time.. until its hasenpfeffer time, baby!

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They look mean and snarly here but really he was just sneezing. I was scared to go up to them at first, because it is a VERY unnatural feeling to walk up to a pack of wolves. But they were just like a bunch of puppies when we got up to them. Whining and sniffing. Cute!

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This is one looking at CB..

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RACOONS!

 

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Look at these fluff balls!

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Getting a little sun.

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Hanging out.

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Thinking deep thoughts.

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Scratching their substantial winter tums. CB was all about these racoons.

MEANWHILE, I was falling in love with this deer:

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OH YEAH HERE IS MY DEER FRIEND! I think I shall name him.. Derek.

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CB saw an otter! Big deal! Whatever! Cute otter that is usually my favourite animal to watch, but…

MEANWHILE:

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Derek the Derp Deer. Has a runny nose. I hope he’s not in rehab for a cold.

 

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CB saw these turkeys lived with an Emu and we wondered if they thought he was their God. Or possibly dad.. They ran around slipping on the ice, which was hilarious, and I wish we had it on video. Watching a turkey lose its balance is some serious high-brau type comedy slapstick hijinx.

MEANWHILE, DEER:

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Still paying attention only to this cool deer. He loved moss. I think he liked me because I am so salty.

 

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Peacocks got my attention though. I love them, and they had some lovely white ones.

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They seemed a bit cold..

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That concludes the wild animal segment of our tour. Now it’s time for PETTING ZOO! Which means, lots of ducks, couple swans, and of course the ubiquitous Llama’s Who Hate You!

 

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Totally hates you.

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We saw this HUGE horse. Like.. too much big. Like he was maybe a freak of nature giant horse. His head was the size of me, if I was curled into a vaguely horse head shaped ball. Why I would be doing this, I dont know.

I wish I had held a dollar bill for scale like on eBay! Okay — I could have fit my foot in his nostril– I didn’t, RELAX, CB wouldnt let me, but I could have. He was so big. Also not interested in pets no matter how flat my hand was. He looks super nervous. I dont know if anyone ever told him he’s the biggest animal in North America, it would have quelled his anxiety some.

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This old donkey, hanging out with this small duck. This duck actually led us around from place to place as if showing off her personal collection of geriatric farm animals. She was very proud.

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ERMAGERD, PERNIES!

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So majestic, with the wind sweeping through their lustrous manes, braving the arctic chill like frosty sentinels. LOOK AT THEIR TINY LEGS. I want to paint their hooves with nail polish and make them wear sweaters and reading glasses!

(Kristy can you guess which one I said was you…)

 

 

 

 

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There were two beautiful blonde lady horses having some hay. They made me especially happy because they looked *EXACTLY* like our Barbie horse growing up. Western Barbie’s horse Sunrunner.

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(Remember Kristy?! I spent my time meticulously rolling microscopic grapes out of plasticene for a fruit bowl on my All You Can Eat buffet table at my Barbie restaurant next to my Barbie hair salon, Barbie clothing store, and Barbie grocery store… and you had the horse and lived alone on a mountain.. never once even came to town for groceries, my hand written barbie sized gossip magazines, or even for tiny plasticine devilled eggs with tiny paprika sprinkled on top… it was all for you, my sister! Dont you see! IT WAS ALL FOR YOU! I digress.)

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Beautiful, with sparkly ribbons in her hair.

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Monch monch monch.. I would name this one Petticoat, and the other one, Werther’s Original.

 

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Then there was suddenly this goat!

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Haaa-eeyyy

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Pig babies! I hope they didnt snuffle up the bacon smell I had on my hands after breakfast…. oh gawd.. I am a monster.

Oh also, weird thing I didnt take a picture of– there were two baby cows across from these pigs and one of them was “suckling” on the other.. but the other one was just pissing. Just pissing into his brothers mouth and looking at us like “I know something’s not right about this but it’s soooo awkward to bring it up…” poor baby pee cows… they dont understand.

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Oh and then THIS creepy mutherfucker….

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Some borin’ ol’ shee’

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And that concludes our tour. Goodbye, my furry friends.. goodbye odd duck tour guide. Goodbye, horses..

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Author: Kara Lalalala

I write this blog for my family cause I am terrible at letters & emails.

7 thoughts on “Perfectly Spherical Racoons & Also A DEER!”

    1. Not enough apparently, they were everywhere. Ha, Im kidding. I dont think those wolves would do anything but nuzzle them lovingly anyway, they werent very hardcore wolves. Hey I was sad to hear about your breakup with Honesty Box. Those were always lovely inspiring posts, followed by even lovelier recipes. Neat Meat is so cool though! I cant wait to see what you do with all that bacon…

  1. Discovered your blog by accident. I love your humor & the way you write. Animal pics were great too. Lost my mind over Anarchy Fox, too funny! I also have a collection of 80s music. Take care!

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