Bananarama

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Since moving into our new wee house all I have wanted to do is stay home and bake and paint. Our house is so fun! Theres a lawn and so much space in the kitchen and its easy to clean up! Our first week here we felt like we were on vacation and we’d have to go back to the trailer at any minute. I love this little place.

Anyway, the two things I have been wanting to bake the most is blueberry pie (donezo) and my favourite banana bread. Its not exactly the healthiest version of the after school snack but it is so quick, super moist and gets even better the longer it sits. It is an absolute assassin with some salty butter on top.

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My Favourite Banana Bread

Yield: 1 8×8 pan or 1 large loaf
Time: 45 minutes start to finish
Cost: <$5

2 1/2 cups flour
2 tsp baking soda
salt

2 cups sugar
4 eggs
1 cup oil
dash of vanilla
8 ripe bananas
2 tbsps sour cream

Preheat the oven to 350F and line your pan with parchment paper.

Mash bananas and sour cream together.

Mix dry ingredients together.

Beat sugar and eggs together for 10 minutes on medium speed. Drizzle in oil. Mix in walnuts, banana and creme fraiche. Fold in dry ingredients. Pour into pan.

Bake about 30 minutes. Longer if you are baking in a loaf pan.

Wait til it cools completely and eat with salty butter!

 

 

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Newfie Voodoo

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This is Fisherman’s Brewis, and it will make you very, very quiet, and very, very full, and very.. very.. happy.

We haven’t made this at home before, but we’ve had it at a couple of places around Newfoundland. It’s a traditional dish and comes from when the boys were out on the boat and they didnt have a whole lot of stuff to work with. Some hard bread, some salt fish, a couple potaters and fatback pork.. oh baby.

CB made this for us before he left for work this afternoon so that when we were done adventuring we just had to heat it up in the cast iron pan before dinner. We had it with scrunchions, and mustard cabbage pickles! WAAAAH!!

It was the perfect thing to eat tonight because the day is cold and foggy and the kind of damp that gets in your bones and makes you want to nap all day. Its going to be a go to winter meal I think. Oh by the way, this ain’t no health food.

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Fisherman’s Brewis & Scrunchions

4 cakes hard bread

4 potatoes

1 lb salt cod

6 slices salt pork

1 small onion

Soak salt fish in one container, and hard bread in another, in cold water overnight.

In the morning, boil the salt fish in clean water, and on top of the pot steam the hard bread for about 20 minutes until the bread is soft and the fish flakes.

Remove from heat and drain. Skin, bone and flake fish – set-aside.

Boil potatoes. Mix them with hard bread and salt fish until its all together, smashing the potatoes up a bit as you go.

Scrunchions:

In a pan on low heat, fry salt pork until all fat is rendered out. Add onions and cook until golden brown. Spoon fat and onions over fish and brewis like a beautiful, fatty gravy. Oh gawwwrrdd…

 

AND THEN THERE WAS PIE.

 

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This is a local speciality, a lassie tart, and I had never eaten it or even heard of it until I moved here. It is the stuff of legends, everyone’s mum makes it the best and one lady, Margaret, has become somewhat of a mythic, legendery pie hero to me. Everyone whispers in hushed tones “not as good as Margarets..” but thats ok because Margaret is obviously using some awesome Newfie voodoo pie magic and one day I will learn her dark arts! The crust is like a gingersnap cookie, made with molasses and black tea. Its rolled out thin and spread with funky, sour partridgeberry jam — not too sweet! And then a lattice crust is assembled on top and you back it for about 20 minutes until the jam starts to bubble. Serve it with ice cream, it’s SO GOOD! But not as good as Margarets……

 
‘Lassie Tart

Dough:

1/2 cup butter

1/2 cup molasses

2 cups flour

1 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp clove

1 tsp ground ginger

1/4 tsp salt

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 cup strong brewed black tea

Partridge Berry Jam:

6 cups partridgeberries

2 tbsp lemon juice

1/4 cup brown sugar

To make the dough, cream the butter and molasses. In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, cinnamon, cloves, ginger and salt. In a small bowl or cup, stir the baking soda into the hot brewed tea, then add immediately to the butter-and-molasses mixture and stir well. Add dry ingredients to the same bowl and mix until just combined. Pat the dough into a ball and flatten, wrap in plastic wrap and chill it in the fridge overnight or for at least 2 hours.

To make the partridgeberry jam, place the berries, lemon juice, lemon zest and sugar in a heavy-bottomed pot and simmer over medium-low heat for 1 hour. Set aside and let cool.

To assemble the tarts, roll out the dough to 1/8 inch thick and 10 inches round. Transfer to an 8-inch tart pan and trim the overhanging edges. Form a ball with the scraps, roll out the dough and cut out strips for the lattice top.

Fill tart with 1/2 inch of partridgeberry jam. Place the lattice overtop and use a fork to crimp the edges of the pastry.

Bake at 350 F for 25-35 minutes or until the top is dark brown and the jam is starting to bubble.

 

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Oatmeal & Apple Jelly Sourdough

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O Bread,

It’s so weird we eat bread. Its like.. the seeds of grass, dried and ground up really fine and then made into a paste that you trap bacteria in, feeding them, letting their farts and burps puff up your paste, and then cooking it. That’s weird right? But it’s also, kind of like magic.

Sometimes when the seasons change– particularly from winter to spring, and from summer to fall, it kind of fucks me up a bit. I get all weird.. wistful, sad, nostalgic, overwhelmed. A bit depressed really. Not by anything in particular, I guess it just makes me vulnerable or something. Warm days start coming, or going, and suddenly I miss my family way more. I get more worried. I can’t handle problems as well as normal. I start getting really itchy feet. Maybe we should go somewhere else now! LETS GO! And then I get my “black hole stomach ache.” Thats what Ive called it in my head since I first started getting it when I was about ten. Like this feeling Im being sucked inwards into my belly button and its a constant dull ache of uncomfortable general fuzzy kinda ennui and perplexed spirtual anguish. I just want to hide in bed, feeling my feelings, talking to the universe outloud until it starts answering back. That kind of mental deterioration, ya know? Or mental retardation, one or the other. Anyway, its not so bad, because I always know its coming. And CB is here, and gives my brains an anchor so it doesnt float out into space. WeeEooOo.. And my brother sent me a really long awesome email, and I talked to my fam for a long time, it was my Dad’s B-day. I sent him a terrible sci fi book for his birthday but Im sending it uhhh tomorrow so its gonna be late!

Usually on a day like this. CB not home, black hole vortex of my soul trying to suck up the last crumbs of my sanity, I would usually not handle it well. I would usually take off on a really long walk, and get really lost and my family would think I’ve been kidnapped. I just walked 12 km to take pictures of tree branches on the other side of town completely at random, oops sorry! That sometimes helps. Or stop eating for a few days, just drink tea. That feels good too. Or in my younger years, get really ridiculously blasted on wine and end up alone in the middle of a lake at 3 in the morning talking to a fox like we’re besties. Yeah not so good. Or go for long drives with CB.. Better.
Anyway, to take my mind off of it, I keep my hands busy. I made seal stew and bread. Isnt that the most newfie bloody meal ever. I’m becoming one, resistance is futile. Bread is the best, and the best bread takes all, fucking, day. Bread that you have to really pay attention to. I think its good to spend a day paying attention to the smallest details of a mundane task. Makes you focus and appreciate. Best respect.

Look at this damn sexy ass bread I made. It was really good, I’ve eaten almost all of it! And it wasn’t just an excuse to eat half a pound of butter!

Cranking old dirty bastard as loud as possible and drinking about 4 pots of tea also helps. Helps the uh, gluten develop.

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Breads good for Poors like us, because dont need a lot of fancy shit to make a nice loaf of bread. You just need water and flour. And yeast. But you dont even have to buy that, you can just mix up equal parts flour and water in a jar and leave it open for a day. The next day, dump half of it out, and mix half as much flour and water again. When it’s ready, you’ll see its bubbly, and breathing. IT’S ALIVE! Your dough now has a delicious yeast infection. It’s a good thing. *martha voice*

 

 

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I used mine with some rye flour and water and made a sourdough starter this morning. Mixed it together and let it sit covered on the fridge all morning. You can do this all night if you want. It develops a nice, sour, beer flavour. And smells like apple juice.

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I made a big batch of oatmeal about 6 days ago, because Im too lazy to do anything for breakfast in the morning aside from shovel a few mouthfuls of cold oatmeal into me. Depressing, I know, but it’s worth the extra 3 hits of that powerful, powerful drug; the snooze button. So I had a cup  or so of cooked steel cut oats in the fridge. Toasted them up in a pan, let them cool and then put them in with my starter.

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In september I was doing some test batches of apple jelly. The earlier ones didnt set, and were a thick sweet syrup consistency. Still vibrant, and tart, and I thought that would be nice with the oatmeal.

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Poured that over top, adding some sweetness.

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Ain’t that just about the perdiest thang ya ever did see? Burping and farting deliciousness.

IMG_7581Add flour, and stir it up.

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It starts to come together.

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Not too dry, not too wet, tacky, and forms a ball.

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Wrap it and let it sit to “autolyse” for about 20 minutes.

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Look at it’s little breathe! So cool.

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Dump it’s dumpy little bod out on a bit of flour.

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Work it, with clean fingers, adding flour as you go if it starts getting sticky. You want to keep it workable, but it will take more flour. Too much flour and the dough becomes stiff and hard to work with. If you’re doing it by hand, its hard to get to that point. In a mixer, it’s way easier, so watch out.

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This dough is really high in grains, so its going to take longer to knead. I spend about 15 minutes at the counter. You want to get right over top of your dough, and push it over itself downwards, not smearing outwards so much. It will lighten in colour, and become more elastic.

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This is about as good a gluten window as you’re going to get with a dough with oatmeal and rye in it. Good stuff.

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Tada. Doughball.

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Put it down for it’s nap.

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Cover it with saran wrap or a tea towel and let it sit and double in size. Depending on how warm your kitchen is, this could take 15 minutes to an hour. When it has doubled, gently degas it, or punch it down.

Let it double again, and punch it down one more time.

Now watch my tum in my favourite, and dirtiest, Adventure Time t-shirt show you how it’s done to some sexy slow jam music. Or awkwardly no music, if my youtube editing didnt work just now. Hope you like the sound of a chubby girl breathing while squishing dough all around.. what am I talking about, i know you freaks are into that.. I’ve seen your google searches.

 

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Preheat your oven to 400F. Put a pan in the oven to catch the water you’re going to chuck in there soon.

The third time you punch it down, shape it, and let it double again, covered.

When it’s ready to go, cut score marks in your bread. This helps it keep it shape, avoiding blowouts and also, it looks nice.

Put your bread in the oven and immediately throw a cup of cold water into the pan in your oven. It will make a ton of steam, make sure to shut the oven quickly to keep it in there. This will give you a nice crust.

2 minutes later, do it again, or spritz it with water from a spray bottle. Do it again 2 minutes later. Let it bake for about 35 minutes.

 

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Nice brown crust. Crunchy, and crackly. Its done when you tap its bottom and it makes a hollow TUNK sound, like its all empty in there. It should feel light. Oh, and smell like heaven.

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The oatmeal adds protein, a nutty flavour, and makes the texture of your dough moister in a good way. It will also help it keep longer. This trick also works with barley, or rice..

Focusing on a small thing.. keeping your hands moving, digging into messy sticky dough. Making something. Watching the sunshine fall on a crusty loaf of real bread you made, slathering it way, way too much butter. The only medicine for black hole stomach aches is to appreciate all the small things you might usually have missed, slipped through your fingers, leaving less for you to feel sad about come next spring. It will be less. Eventually maybe it will be gone, and you will be fat with love and surrounded by hundreds of loaves of fucking bread.

OH ALSO ! First fly of the spring!

flyguy

Seal Flipper Stew

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This is my very first submission to the monthly blogging event Our Growing Edge. This month it is hosted by Dana from I’ve Got Cake

I’m really excited to be part of this awesome group of people, experimenting with new food experiences and sharing their beautiful food and thoughts. It’s open to everyone who is trying new things for the first time and is great for connecting you to other awesome food bloggers. Until now I usually just peeked in on them from the outside, so happy to be a part of it!

http://bunnyeatsdesign.com/our-growing-edge/I finally did it!

Finally cracked open the jar of seal meat our friend Mona gave us in October. She owns a museum in an old red saltbox and the “pantry” of the house is stocked with all kinds of goodies like jams and canned meats that she sells. That’s where this jar came from.

Have to admit, I was really, really hesitant to eat this. Actually I actively didnt want to at first. I had this idea in my head it was going to smell like rotten tuna and old rubber boots.. It actually had no smell at all when I opened the jar. Mona told us people just eat it straight from the jar, or warmed up with some onions. We are not that hardcore yet, so I opted for a goulashy kind of stew thing here.

It was really, really nice. Would be great with rice. I made oatmeal bread so thats what we had, which was awesome to sop up all the stew juice with. If you are ever offered seal, go for it, it’s super nice. I know there’s a lot of controversy about the seal hunt, but here on this godforsaken winter hellscape, it feels right to be eating seal.

Mona jars it and sells it all year long. If we stay here for a while, you’ll be certain I’ll be putting up rabbit meat and buying more seal from Mona. The winters are harsh, and you do what you gotta do. There is still a sense of survival here in the winter, when you go to the little grocery store in town and it’s empty because the ferry isnt running for the ice. You get into that seal. I also noticed CB ordered a Henry rifle catalogue in the mail.. so.. we might be going hardcore soon!

Even though if I ever do finally see a seal here I’d be running to hug its beautiful tube body, not thinking about chomping down on it..

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Seal Flipper Stew

Yield: Enough for 4-6 people

Cost: <$15

 

  • 500g (1lb) seal meat.. or ya know, beef..
  • 2 carrots
  • A dozen small potatoes
  • 2 onions, or shallots
  • 2 cloves garlic
  • 1 red pepper
  • 2 tbsp smoked paprika
  • salt & pepper
  • 2 tbsp honey
  • 2 tbsp butter
  • 2 cups beef or vegetable broth
  • 1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
  • 1 tbsp Dijon mustard
  • 1 large can diced tomatoes
  • 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
  • 1/4 C flour to thicken

Dice your carrot, red pepper and shallots. Wash and halve your potatoes. Mince your garlic.

Sweat your shallots and garlic in butter. Add the seal meat, bones and all. Add vegetables and cook until slightly tender. Move to roasting pan or casserole dish if your pan is too small like mine, otherwise just continue with the pan you’re currently using.

In the same pan, combine the diced tomatoes, honey, broth, mustard, paprika, Worcestershire, and vinegar. Sprinkle the flour over top and stir to combine. Simmer until thickened. Pour over meat and veg.

Bake, covered, at 300F for 2-3 hours until meat shreds and flakes and sauce is thick and smells amazing.

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Gather your ingredients.

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Finely dice your shallots, and sweat them in butter.

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Crack open that jar of sweet, sweet flipper meat!

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Its very red. Cold, straight from the jar, it has a pleasantly smooth fatty feeling in your mouth and tastes like.. well, terr. Dark, soft and faintly like the ocean. Like the smell of seaweed. It actually was very mild, and nice. As a recovering  vegetarian I thought cracking open a home canned jar of seal flipper, bones and all, would make me yak in my pants. But it was very clean, and has a nice taste.

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I splurged big time on this meal, laying down the big bucks for a fresh red bell pepper. $4!

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Add your meat, and all your veggies

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Stir, and cook until warmed through.

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Dump it into your casserole dish or roasting pan. Make your sauce by combining all your sauces and herbs and spices with your tomatoes. Sprinkle your flour over top and cook until combined. The sauce will taste very acidic, too bright, too much worchestershire sauce.. but it mellows and gets nice in the oven, don’t worry.

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Pour over veggies and meat, cover and cook at 300F for 2-3 hours.

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I tried lining my pan with tinfoil because I hate doing dishes but I did a crap job and had to remove it anyway, hah.

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Tada! Le Stew!

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It met with CB’s SEAL of approval BAAAAAH HA HA HA!

Sauering the Kraut

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Sauerkraut dinner is my favourite dinner. But something happened..

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There I was making a nice cabbagey dinner..

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THERE’S NO MORE IN THE JAR! It’s all gone.. we ate it all.. 5 Litres of sauerkraut… and I savoured every litre. But now I have a big ass jar, what to do.. what to do.. FILL IT WITH MORE SAUERKRAUT! It’s like so easy y’all. CHECK IT, 2, 3..

How to Make Homemade Sauerkraut in a Jar

From TheKitchn.com

Makes 1 to 1 1/2 quarts

What You Need

Ingredients
1 medium head green cabbage (about 3 pounds)
1 1/2 tablespoons kosher salt
1 tablespoons caraway seeds (optional, for flavor)

Equipment
Cutting board
Chef’s knife
Mixing bowl
2-quart widemouth canning jar (or two quart mason jars)
Canning funnel (optional)
Smaller jelly jar that fits inside the larger mason jar
Clean stones, marbles, or other weights for weighing the jelly jar
Cloth for covering the jar
Rubber band or twine for securing the cloth

Instructions

  1. Clean everything: When fermenting anything, it’s best to give the good, beneficial bacteria every chance of succeeding by starting off with as clean an environment as possible. Make sure your mason jar and jelly jar are washed and rinsed of all soap residue. You’ll be using your hands to massage the salt into the cabbage, so give those a good wash, too.
  2. Slice the cabbage: Discard the wilted, limp outer leaves of the cabbage. Cut the cabbage into quarters and trim out the core. Slice each quarter down its length, making 8 wedges. Slice each wedge crosswise into very thin ribbons.
  3. Combine the cabbage and salt: Transfer the cabbage to a big mixing bowl and sprinkle the salt over top. Begin working the salt into the cabbage by massaging and squeezing the cabbage with your hands. At first, it may not seem like enough salt, but gradually, the cabbage will become watery and limp — more like coleslaw than raw cabbage. This will take 5 to 10 minutes. If you’d like to flavor your sauerkraut with caraway seeds, mix them in now.
  4. Pack the cabbage into the jar: Grab handfuls of the cabbage and pack them into the canning jar. If you have a canning funnel, this will make the job easier. Every so often, tamp down the cabbage in the jar with your fist. Pour any liquid released by the cabbage while you were massaging it into the jar.→ Optional: Place one of the larger outer leaves of the cabbage over the surface of the sliced cabbage. This will help keep the cabbage submerged in its liquid.
  5. Weigh the cabbage down: Once all the cabbage is packed into the mason jar, slip the smaller jelly jar into the mouth of the jar and weigh it down with clean stones or marbles. This will help keep the cabbage weighed down, and eventually, submerged beneath its liquid.
  6. Cover the jar: Cover the mouth of the mason jar with a cloth and secure it with a rubber band or twine. This allows air to flow in and out of the jar, but prevent dust or insects from getting in the jar.
  7. Press the cabbage every few hours: Over the next 24 hours, press down on the cabbage every so often with the jelly jar. As the cabbage releases its liquid, it will become more limp and compact and the liquid will rise over the top of the cabbage.
  8. Add extra liquid, if needed: If after 24 hours, the liquid has not risen above the cabbage, dissolve 1 teaspoon of salt in 1 cup of water and add enough to submerge the cabbage.
  9. Ferment the cabbage for 3 to 10 days: As it’s fermenting, keep the sauerkraut away from direct sunlight and at a cool room temperature — ideally 65°F to 75°F. Check it daily and press it down if the cabbage is floating above the liquid.Because this is a small batch of sauerkraut, it will ferment more quickly than larger batches. Start tasting it after 3 days — when the sauerkraut tastes good to you, remove the weight, screw on the cap, and refrigerate. You can also allow the sauerkraut to continue fermenting for 10 days or even longer. There’s no hard and fast rule for when the sauerkraut is “done” — go by how it tastes.While it’s fermenting, you may see bubbles coming through the cabbage, foam on the top, or white scum. These are all signs of a healthy, happy fermentation process. The scum can be skimmed off the top either during fermentation or before refrigerating. If you see any mold, skim it off immediately and make sure your cabbage is fully submerged; don’t eat moldy parts close to the surface, but the rest of the sauerkraut is fine.
  10. Store sauerkraut for several months: This sauerkraut is a fermented product so it will keep for at least two months and often longer if kept refrigerated. As long as it still tastes and smells good to eat, it will be. If you like, you can transfer the sauerkraut to a smaller container for longer storage.

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VOILA! Presto! Magico! Yum yum time! It’s been in the dark room temp cupboard for 4 days now. I think I could probably leave it out but just to be safe I’ve put it in the fridge. But it totally tastes like sauerkraut. Amazing!

Goodnight!

Pizza Wontons, Makin Pizza Wontons, You Take Some Pizza And You Put It In A Wonton

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K: What do you have to say for yourself?

CB: Ummmmm…. *exasperrated beard scratch* Well, you were having a bad day at work because your stollen babies didnt work out, so I thought that some pizza wontons would make you happy.

K: You would be correct, sir.

CB: Also, you hadnt made a blog in a while, so I thought you would like some blogs material. So I took some pictures while I made you pizza wontons

K: ROMANCE!

CB: No. No it’s not romance. You can leave that in, but it’s not romance.

K: This is my romance.

CB: It’s likemance at best.

K: You like mans.

C: Any port in a storm, pretty much

K: *face* lets just get on with the pizza wontons.

CB: No wait I have more things to say. You forgot to put a B after my C. I didnt go to university to earn my B just to be called C.

CB: That’s better. Formatting is not your forte. You forgot the accent.

K: MORE K NOW! PIZZA TIMES! GO GHO GO! I just spelled go wrong…. brutal……….

CB: Okay on to the pizza! You don’t have to type that….

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CB: So we were at the grocery store like a couple of poors.

K: Because only poor people go to the grocery store.

CB: Only poor people go to the grocery store and only buy things that are 50% off.

K: Oh yeah K means me.. continue.. I have nothing to add

CB: Yeah so we bought these wonton wrappers to do something with because they ended up only being about a dollar. To be honest I actually thought they were rice paper wraps like the kind you make Vietnamese cold rolls out of–

K: A staple in every newfoundland outport community

CB: .. Because I am dumb and wasn’t paying attention and you were just shouting “IT’S 50% OFF!”. So I thought about making traditional wontons but all we had were pizza toppings and no pizza dough or anything so I decided on pizza wonton.Fried pizza wontons. Because I couldnt find a way to make pizza wonton soup work out.

K: TOMATO SOUP!!!

CB: As you suggested tomato soup might have worked out

K; Nope, gross.

CB: Plus you cant fry them if you put them in tomato soup. But I guess you can, but it would be gross.

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CB: FIRST STEP

Take a small portion of leftover pepperoni tube.

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Chop that shit up.

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I like the roasty crispy pepperoni taste, so I then fried it.

K: With like a million salt.. not complaining

CB: The salt is there for a reason not just because I like salty things. The big rock salt helps things get crispier. But you have to be careful of salt poisoning.

K; Is that  a real thing? Salt poisoning? Dont you just drink some water?

CB: Only if you want to just pee salt water for the rest of your life

K: Im thinking about that.. no. I dont. So then what?

CB: I dunno, lets go down to the next picture.

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CB: Right, your giant bag of capsicums. That I didnt think we needed to buy even though it was a good price and on sale but why do we need a 10lb bag of chopped capsicums. People on the internet should know that we would obviously prefer fresh ones but they are too expensive here during the winter. And this bag is probably a third of the price of fresh.

K: I ain’t no veg snob, all I see is cheap vitamins. Actually all I saw was a bag of shiny colourful dots and was like, MINE NOW

CB: Word

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CB: I put these in too because you made me think of getting a slice of deluxe and all I could think about was peppers on a pizza. Also vitamins I guess. But these are fried wontons so I wasnt being super health conscious.

K; Remember the night before you were making porkchops and I said they smelled like a pizza with green peppers? It was a psychic food premonition. I get those. I can usually tell what my mom is making for dinner.

CB: Based only on the smell of what she’s making for dinner..

K: NO SHE’S PROVINCES AWAY! PROVINCES. Anyway its a useless skill but I’m working on a television pilot. Or should I say my fatcat TV exec brother is. Get on it, B-BOT.

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CB: Here is the bowl of pizza filling goodness. Probably after I ate two spoonfuls of it. I had to check and see if I was in trouble because I got a little happy with the hot sauce.

K: It makes everything BURN when I eat it.  From beginning to bitter end.. if ya know what I mean.

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CB: Next the best part of any sort of pizza related endeavor is cheese. Next time instead of shredding it I will cut it into little cubes.

K: Why, pray tell?

CB: Because it was too hard to get the shredded cheese to stay where I wanted it within the wonton. I had to smoosh it into a little ball.

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CB: Leftover sauce. Which we always have, because we eat meatballs but we dont eat pasta

K: Meatballs.. *dreamy*

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CB: These are the wonton wrappers that I meticulously re-piled so that they wouldn’t stick to each other while I was making them. This is the way I like to pile square things, your OCD may differ.

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CB: Here is the Wontons Maker’s Setup. All the ingredients you need. A shallow bowl of water to dip your dingers in

K: loL DINGERS (typo on my part but I’m leaving it in)

CB: Fingers in. And a clean bowl to pile the finished wontons in.

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CB. So then you make your stack. I started with cheese.

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And then sauce.

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And then pepperoni and capsicum.

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And then an olive because I like olives on pizza. In fact the whole point of mozzarella existing in my life now is for olives to be near it.

K: It’s true. Our other food treat lately has just been mozzerella fried in a pan covered in olives. Its amazing…

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CB: Put a little water around half of the wonton, as pictured in the first image (way up at the top). Then fold it in half, sealing it up.

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Then some other stuff happens and blam a wonton is formed! It’s hard to take pictures of making a wonton while making a wonton because it is a two handed operation. There are good videos on youtube that I used to refresh my memory by a girl named mooncakefactory.

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CB: Fill a little pot with oil and do all the stuff you do to fry stuff. Fry them little wonton bitches in there. Fry them perfectly and take a picture for the internet. I just realized that the tone of this post changed from “here’s what I did for Kara” to an instructional post and the pictures arent at all instructionl so.. goodluck making these. It’s not actually that hard, you probably dont need instructions.

Pro Tips / Confession

I made about 3 flat on the board before doing it the proper way in your hand and it is a lot easier making them in your hand. Also after about 6, I just threw all the shit into one bowl and just mashed it all up because making all those little piles took for-fucking-ever. Sha-ZAM Pizza Wontons!

There are no beautifully plated after pictures because we ate these really quickly while watching a Jet Li movie.

K: Movie was pretty awesome, pizza wontons goes down as one of my Top Ten Treats of All Time. Which is saying a LOT. Thanks CB, U R D BEZT M8. K

CB: Okay I’m done.

 

Pizza Wontons

Yield: Approx. 25 wontons

Time: About an hour

Cost: <$5

 

Ingredients:

1 pkg wontons

1  pepper, diced

200g cheese, cubed or shredded

1/2 a stick of pepperoni, chopped

1 cup tomato sauce

A dozen olives, sliced

Hot sauce *optional

Oil for frying

 

Fry your pepperoni. Cool. Mix it with your peppers.

Take your wontons and stack them to keep the separate.

Hold the wrapper in your hand, put a little cheese, sauce, and pepper mix. Brush half of the wonton with a little water using your finger. Fold.

Fry at 360F in an inch of oil for a few seconds on each side until a nice dark golden brown. If you want them chewier fry until lighter, if you want them crunchy fry them darker.

 

 

 

White Trash Gourmet

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This morning I dropped CB off at work and drove in my plaid fleece pajamas straight to the grocery store. MEAT WAS ON SALE! I got baby back ribs, and a pork shoulder roast, and a pork loin roast the size of my goddamn LEG and shrimp and chili cheese sausages, ground beef and.. a bag of bay leaves. I came home, put on some Wu Tang, twerked it like the neighbors weren’t watching (even though they probably were because I left the curtains open) and cooked it up!

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I made a nice seafood chowder with bacon and sweet potatoes, shrimp and tiny bay scallops. Then I drove, in my plaid fleece pajamas pants, to CB’s work with two bowls of chowder and a coffee can full of hot steamy coffee.

My favourite thing I made though, was a new thing I just invented just now. A brand new dinner, combining all the best things about my favourite dinner, all in one pot! I call it.. Hamburgers & Hotdogs Casserole. And when I put it into the oven I howled at the ceiling with pure exaltation!

And then I couldnt wait to tell CB about it and his reaction was a PUKE FACE! And he said it sounded horrible! And he wasn’t interested in eating it because it sounded disgusting! And I said HOW CAN YOU BE SO RUDE ABOUT SOMETHING SO PURE AND GOOD! You have to eat cheerios for dinner while I eat the best thing Ive ever made!

We came home, and I opened the lid. And he was all the opposite of puke face! And then, he proceeded, to eat it all, with a glass of chocolate milk, like a gangster. I was vindicated.

Hamburgers & Hotdogs Casserole

Sauce

1 onion

2 carrots

2 cloves of garlic

2 Peppers

2 cans of diced tomatoes

Hot Sauce

In a heavy bottomed saucepan, sautee finely chopped onions in a little oil until translucent. Add garlic and carrots, cook until tender. Add chopped red pepper and 2 cans dived tomatoes.

Burgers:

1kg Medium, or Lean, Ground Beef

100g balogne, finely diced

1/4 cups breadcrumbs

1 cup mayonnaise

Salt & Pepper

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and whisk it with a fork like crazy. My meatballs were gluten free because I used the end bits of a loaf of gluten free bread I found by themselves in a bag in the freezer. I assumed my room mate was quarantining these slices due to some kind of abhorrence to the idea of eating them, and not because they are the most special part she was saving to savour…. Anyway, also the balogne bits are in there because my bacon seems to be “maple flavoured” blegh.. so balogne it is!

Roll into 2 inch balls and fry until crispy and delicious on each side.

Hotdogs:

2 cans of vienna sausages, or 4 hotdogs of your choice cut into thirds

The Assembly

Place a layer of meatballs in a casserole dish. Add a layer of hotdogs, followed by a layer of sauce. Repeat if necessary.

Cover the top with your favourite hotdog and/or hamburger toppings. Mine were as follows:

– cheese

– ketchup

– mustard

– jalapenos

– saurkraut

Bake, covered, in a 350 degree oven for 45 minutes. In the last ten minutes you can take the cover off and broil it to get the cheese crispy if youre into that.

Eat it with buns!

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Sizzlin’ balls. Those orange things are baby carrots..They are in mine because to be honest, I only made this to clean out the fridge.. and I had a few baby carrots left and thought I would put them in my meatballs. You REALLY don’t have to, though.

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My favourite word combo ever “Baby Balonge Chub”. YES.

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MMMM.. when I was a kid these were reserved strictly for fancy occasions and eating with toothpicks on a tray with olives and those mini pickles. Yum!

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The strata.

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Its not actually that hot, its just so cold in my house.

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