Crocus Pocus

 

Heeeey y’aaaaalll

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It’s been a pretty nice last couple of weeks here. I think it’s even safe to say spring has sprung! Yesterday it had to have gotten upwards of 20 degrees, I got a sunburn on my arm just driving home from work! I pulled up into the driveway and CB was puttering around in the shed, making a nice cozy spot in eager anticipation of the arrival of our motorcycles back from Newfoundland. The dog was racing around through the woods like a psycho, chasing rabbits, being happy. Coming home is the best feeling.

By the time we went into the house, the temperature had dropped about 10 degrees and the fog tumbled in eerily fast. It went from a beautiful sunny saturday afternoon to a scene from a gloomy horror movie in an instant. Complete with a crow sitting in a creaky old tree out front. The air was so thick with fog it was deathly silent, save for the occasional cawing of a crow. So we ate a dinner of very spicy beef rolled in lettuce leaves and pretended it was summer.

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Last weekend CB’s Nan Marie came out to stay for the weekend. We hung out, and ate nice meals, and shot BBs at beer cans, enjoyed the sunshine. It was the weekend of the Cod Fish Supper at the church in Gabarus, and she came down for that. That was SO GOOD. OH MAN. It is a salty fish fantasy.

We went out to the church about 4:30, and you buy your ticket which has a number and sit in the pews to wait for your number to be up. When they call you, you get to have your supper. The ladies had set up long tables with baskets of fresh buns, tea & coffee, chow and curds. They serve you a very generous plate of salt cod with baked potato, mashed turnip, and tons of scrunchions. I learned allllll about scrunchions in Newfoundland, and oh my lord, let me tell you about it. These are little nuggets of salt pork fried up golden until its fat is rendered out, cooked down all day with onions, and when you ladle (yes, I said ladle, do not judge me!) it over the salt cod and potato, it is what heaven tastes like. And then a little chow pickle to cut the richness, sopped up with buttery homemade bread… …. yeah…. oh yeah… YEEEEAHH!

And lemon cake for dessert. Hoo. Boy.

On a completely unrelated note, I went into the hospital this week because of my high blood pressure. BUT, it’s all sorted out now, and Im being very good and healthy. I will consider the Cod Fish Supper my last salty Hurrah before I knock it off and be good. Still going again next year though….

Also the ladies said I could come help for the Strawberry Festival at the church in July. It’s mostly to help hull thousands of strawberries but then I get to eat them with tea biscuits and cream, so I dont mind the cramped thumbs and red stains on my fingernails for the next few days afterwards.

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These are some cool bottles I found in the forest out back. Two of them are old Javex bleach bottles. I like old bottles.

Yesterday at work we made a few hundred macarons. They are going to be: chocolate mint, vanilla rolled in sprinkles, orange, blueberry, red velvet, cookies & cream, and strawberry. These are… very popular..

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This is some rickety old haunted house thats probably 100% full of bats. Sweet Pea and I walk past it very night around 7pm, and every time I stop out front and think about having a peek in the windows. But then I get scared about ghosts and hobos getting bent out of shape at me about it and we go on our way.

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This is the house next door. Its super cute, and also tempting for a little casual evening B&E action. CB says I should refrain from breaking into abandoned houses around here because of the law and whatever but I WANT TO SEE IF THERES COOL STUFF INSIDE. Not to steal– that would anger the spirits and I hate being haunted– just to look at and say “oh, cool!”

Is that too much to ask?

There’s an old house across the street from us that makes me hungry for law breaking. The paint has peeled away long ago, and the driveway has been eaten up by the forest. But its windows are intact and the roof is good, all the angles are straight. They say, like a lot of houses around here, it was built by shipwrights and that is why its still so straight. I bet there is some kind of cool pirate booty in there. I think thats where my fox friend lives. He comes out around the same time as we go for a walk every night and sits in the middle of the road having a look at us. Nosey bugger!

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AHhhhh.. thats that. There’s probably more to drone on about but I’m sitting at an awkward angle and my legs have gone numb so Im going to go eat .. some plain celery and.. I dunno, some other thing a healthy person pretends to love eating.

Sigh.

K BY E LOVE Yo U

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B.B.F.F.F’s

 

BEST BUDDY FART FRIENDS FOREVER!

We have a dog we have a dog we have a dog!

This is Sweet Pea!

Fun Sweet Pea Facts!

a) she is a little cutie

b) she is 13 years young

c) she likes snuggling, tummy rubs, daytime naps, going for long walks on the beach, pooping on the ground, weird smells, and kisses

d) her favourite foods are chicken nuggets and dog food

e) her least favourite things are being seperated from CB for any amount of time, car rides, and baby carrots

f) she can shake a paw with the best of ’em

So as you can see, she is pretty much the most awesome. We are fostering her from the SPCA until some test results come in for a lump in her doggy boobies, and when she is all clear we will adopt her!

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The night before we went to pick her up, we drove over to the pet store and bought her a new collar with her name and our address, a softy cozy bed, and a nice leather leash. It was so hard not to buy approximately 12091871239hss80 dog treats and toys, but I think I did well.

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This is Sweet Pea sleeping in her new bed on the first night at our house. Which is going to be a very rare picture because she vastly prefers to sleep in the bed directly on top of CB. Nay, she demands it. We have compromised with letting her sleep at the foot of the bed. So my only dismay is that our bed is going to smell like an old dog, and my life has 100% more dog poop in it. Small price to pay for being able to hang out with a dog all day though! And she is nice to have at the end of the bed, she is like a furry water bottle warming up my toes. It’s like that song says “happiness is a warm dog, yes it is.”

She had a really exciting first day with us, and she especially did not like the ride home. I’m starting to think she didnt get out much with her other family. They gave her up for adoption because they could no longer care for her. CB took her for a walk to the beach and she acted like she had never seen water before. He took a little video.

Does the water want to fight with her? Does she have to fight the water back? Yeah not very impressed.

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And here is Sweet Pea, wrapped up in a pizza, having a snuggle.

Anyway, we are off to family Easter Dinner, so I better go hop in the shower and get the stank off me. Be prepared for a billion more pictures of Sweet Pea on my blog though, because I’m all about her right now.

Ok BYE! HAPPY EASTER!

Blue Skies, Rabbit Pies

It’s a strange thing to post pictures so beautiful just as Big Blizzard #2 sets in. I took these yesterday, when I went out for a JOG. Me. Jogging. Yahhhging, if you will. Just out in the open! Like a G.D. jogger! It was both wild & also crazy. Jogging is hard, man. I went about a mile and then my jog turned into more of a saunter while listening to M.I.A and taking pictures of pretty things. I’m easing myself into fitness…….. …

Now it’s about 6:30 and I’m just rockin’ the evening away in a rocking chair in the kitchen like a country style gangster. Having a cup of tea, munchin’ on some blackburries. CB is over there boiling up some rabbits because he’s finally snapped and gone Glenn Close level psycho. Naw, he is just trying his hand at rabbit pie. CB’s nan Marie has been spoiling us with rabbit & partridge pies. I think she has made a couple of dozen since we moved here. They are amazing. AMAZING! Bunnies = delicious (Sorry Genie, if you’re reading this, Id never think of such a thing with Tofu!)

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This was CB’s breakfast the other morning. Slices of slab bacon, eggs, an a piece of rabbit pie. Ready to take on the entire world after a breakfast like that. I had oatmeal. Because now I JOG, and eat oatmeal. Ugh. What have I become, my sweetest friends?

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This is a picture of the ice melting over a little stream by the road. It looked like beer and there was a whole bunch of greeny plants under the surface. It was beautiful.

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Yesterday while it was nice we took the opportunity to burn all of our paper garbage. I think we can recycle it, but this way involves 100% more fire so obviously this is the route we chose to take with our paper recycling needs. CB put me on Stick Duty. He feeds stuff to the fiery barrel, and I use a long stick to push anything back in that wants to fly out.

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I immediately wandered off, abandoning my post as Fire Poker, and took pictures of these cool berries. They were sweet, mushy, cranberry like clusters of red on long stalks that were lain down under the snow. I have no idea what they are, and Google is no help, but Im not dead so I guess they are alright!

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Oh! A little abandoned rosehip. Theres wild roses all over Cape Breton, and they seem especially prolific here in Gabarus. Whats not covered in moss and Angelica, is wild rose bushes. Its kinda nice, whatever. Romantic I guess.

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Every so often my phone emails me and is like “Hey Kara, its me Google, I found a picture you took on your phone and I edited it for some reason!” it creeps me out every time because its only done it 3 times, seemingly at random. Anyway, this is Google “artistic” version of a picture of a blurry tree I took. Google must have gone to art school because it knows that making something black and white elevates it immediately to artsy fartsy status.

Anyway I better make some pie crusts or I’ll get in trouble. See ya later!

 

 

Catching Up with Dr. J. Edward Slothman

slothman

 

Oh haaaaaiiiii…

Man. I’m so laaaaazzzzyyy todayyyy. I am inert, dude. Truly lackadaisacal. Like operating in 100% sloth mode. When I move, it is akin to old farm equipment starting up on a cold winters day; all creaking, moaning, and cloud of pollutants puffing out the back end. Mrrahhhhh

Last night we had a sleep over– which is what we call it when I get all excited and move the mattress from our bedroom to another room in the house and we sleep where it lands. We really only have one other room though so its just plunked down in the living room in front of the TV.

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The Grand Tour!

CB got this little device dealy that you stick in the TV and you can broadcast youtube through it, so my morning has just been loud cartoons and Nikki Minaj videos on a larger screen. Which is fun. So colourful! So much butts! Despite that kind of beautiful awakening this morning I’m still rather haggard and laggard. Not to be a bragard.. Damn, I am a wordsmith.
This post is sponsored by YeOldeMedeivalEnglishThesaurus.com.

So I realize that for the exception of my brief photo essay on Chickens Using Power Tools, I haven’t posted anything in a long time. Soz, m8s. I have been busy! Ive had more than a month off! I haven’t had to scale flour or cast side eyes at coworkers dubious work habits in weeks! It’s been incredible. Instead, we drove 7,825km there and back, visiting family and friends. Google Maps estimates that to be about 98 hours in a car. You can imagine the mountain of Tim Hortons cups we amassed on our drive.

Next time, we will probably fly, but it was an adventure! A snowy, ice stormy, white knuckly sort of adventure. But we survived! And I got to fill up on family, which is good, because my family meter has been long empty. If I were a Sims character I would have been dancing around angrily and peeing myself long ago. If you do not understand that reference, you are not cool.

I missed my fam so much. Even though travelling took up most of our time so we could only have wee visits, it was still special. I missed my mom’s b-day but I still got to make her a cake, and share christmas with my family. That hasnt happened in about 9 years I think, since I started working in kitchens. BOO KITCHENS. No j/k they’re ok. My mom is better though.

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I got to play a millions games with my brother and sister. Got to have morning coffee’s with my dad!

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Pizza lunch with my Gram and Aunty Pat. Got to annoy my cousins while my Aunt Chris made us chicken parmasen for dinner! We ate every single ethnic food we saw. Dr. Phil and lasagna with CB’s nan! Finally we got to have breakfast at our friend Anthony’s restaurant, AMAZING! Then dinner with our friend Ima later on at his third restaurant. Successful bastard. Hugs and whistle dogs with our most best friend Jess who we havent seen in so long she’s gotten all married and become a teacher! Waaah! So many hugs. Im getting better at them now. They are actually pretty cool, hugs. I think that means I’m finally starting to grow as a human being.

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I got SWEET xmas presents! Like one of these bookmarks my sister made out of leather. We lost our old stink dog Oscar a few months ago and she made the three of us booksmarks with his neurotic dog face all over them. It looks exactly like him, she is so wicked with leather. Aw, Osc. I also got an adult fleece Onesie pajamas that I wear ever minute of my life now. If it’s one piece is it still “pajamas” or just a singular pajama? And I got a fishing rod! For to catch a fish! Because I showed great aptitude for that! CBs mom made me an awesome birthday quilt and for xmas gave me these tiny ceramic skunks, probably one of my favourite presents ever now. And my brother bought me a million books. Like literally a garbage bag full of books with a christmas bow on it. I have so many books now. Thanks, bro-bot!

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We spent a lot of time at christmas with CB’s fam. We got to be their annual boxing day bash, which is always fun! There was so much food and hiding from strangers! I drank a lot of whiskey.

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It was so warm for a week in December that Arlene’s chickens started laying eggs!! She thought someone was pranking her, hiding brown, shit covered eggs all over the place. Ha! She was so excited, it was great.

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And ate a million diner breakfasts! CB’s raison d’etre. That one was at a truck stop in Quebec, it came with breakfast meat pie! Oh I also ate so much pie. One day, I ate 4 different pieces of pie. I also gained 17 pounds this month. That is not a lie or gross exaggeration. It is just gross.

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Oh yeah..

Five days ago I officially became an old bag.

Sigh.

The big Three-Oh. A solemn dong from the Gong of Eternity sounding out through the din of time, in celebration of my ever shortening, but constant and inescapable, march towards death. CB MADE ME CAKE!

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Here he is spackling on the strawberry mousse frosting with a (very clean) drywall knife. It was chocolate, with strawberries and whiskey. YEEEEAHHH!

Now if youll excuse me, I think I will make a tea and see about maybe sporting some pants perhaps. Good day!

Uber Kraut

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Every time I look at this picture, I hear angels singing. Something I miss from home is my mom and dad’s amazing sauerkraut dinners with like 8 different kinds of sausages, and pork shops, and bacon all thrown in. I have made it a half dozen times in the last couple of months but this was my first time making the kraut from scratch. And this was CB’s first time cooking my special family dinner. I think he probably kicked it’s ass. SO GOOOOOD!

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Sweet Dreams are Made Of Cheese

 

1369Loin T-Bone Steak

Mmm Raw T-Bones, best rap name ever..

It might be all the cheese before bed but been having crazy dreams. One the night before last, CB and I were chopping up some raw steaks together in this entirely pink kitchen and he turned to me and said with sudden revelation “Oh! Kara, I didn’t realize but your face is actually beautiful.” I looked up and replied “Yeah I know, I have a classically beautiful face” just matter of fact, and continued chopping. That dream exchange made me laugh muchly.

Apparently dreaming about raw meat is a sexual thing.. but dreaming about anything means you want to have sex with your mom or you’re pissed off you don’t have a penis so meh.

 

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Last night I dreamed CB and I were taking a stroll by a lake and we saw two huge bears. Naturally CB ran over the frozen lake to go play with them, and one of them started chasing him. He ran up all excited that the bear was chasing him, like you would play with a dog, only it was a 1 tonne grizzly.

We ran to my Nan’s townhouse and my Nan opened the door to let us in, I was panicked and CB was laughing like a little kid that this bear was chasing him around, and they ran all over the house “playing”. Watching giant dream CB dressed all in plaid play with a snarling grey bear was freaky.

I hid my Nan in a closet while I tried to think of an escape route and pleaded with CB to stop playing with this fucking giant bear that was destroying the house and ate 2 neighborhood dogs that came to bark at them. Finally CB ran out to the balconey and went to hug the bear like best chum pals. The bear clubbed him in the face and gingerly pushed his limp body off the balconey, killing him in a crackle of all kinds of bones. And I was like.. fuck it. I knew that was going to happen, goddamn. And I woke up, still annoyed with him for playing with that fucking bear!

Pizza Wontons, Makin Pizza Wontons, You Take Some Pizza And You Put It In A Wonton

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K: What do you have to say for yourself?

CB: Ummmmm…. *exasperrated beard scratch* Well, you were having a bad day at work because your stollen babies didnt work out, so I thought that some pizza wontons would make you happy.

K: You would be correct, sir.

CB: Also, you hadnt made a blog in a while, so I thought you would like some blogs material. So I took some pictures while I made you pizza wontons

K: ROMANCE!

CB: No. No it’s not romance. You can leave that in, but it’s not romance.

K: This is my romance.

CB: It’s likemance at best.

K: You like mans.

C: Any port in a storm, pretty much

K: *face* lets just get on with the pizza wontons.

CB: No wait I have more things to say. You forgot to put a B after my C. I didnt go to university to earn my B just to be called C.

CB: That’s better. Formatting is not your forte. You forgot the accent.

K: MORE K NOW! PIZZA TIMES! GO GHO GO! I just spelled go wrong…. brutal……….

CB: Okay on to the pizza! You don’t have to type that….

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CB: So we were at the grocery store like a couple of poors.

K: Because only poor people go to the grocery store.

CB: Only poor people go to the grocery store and only buy things that are 50% off.

K: Oh yeah K means me.. continue.. I have nothing to add

CB: Yeah so we bought these wonton wrappers to do something with because they ended up only being about a dollar. To be honest I actually thought they were rice paper wraps like the kind you make Vietnamese cold rolls out of–

K: A staple in every newfoundland outport community

CB: .. Because I am dumb and wasn’t paying attention and you were just shouting “IT’S 50% OFF!”. So I thought about making traditional wontons but all we had were pizza toppings and no pizza dough or anything so I decided on pizza wonton.Fried pizza wontons. Because I couldnt find a way to make pizza wonton soup work out.

K: TOMATO SOUP!!!

CB: As you suggested tomato soup might have worked out

K; Nope, gross.

CB: Plus you cant fry them if you put them in tomato soup. But I guess you can, but it would be gross.

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CB: FIRST STEP

Take a small portion of leftover pepperoni tube.

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Chop that shit up.

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I like the roasty crispy pepperoni taste, so I then fried it.

K: With like a million salt.. not complaining

CB: The salt is there for a reason not just because I like salty things. The big rock salt helps things get crispier. But you have to be careful of salt poisoning.

K; Is that  a real thing? Salt poisoning? Dont you just drink some water?

CB: Only if you want to just pee salt water for the rest of your life

K: Im thinking about that.. no. I dont. So then what?

CB: I dunno, lets go down to the next picture.

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CB: Right, your giant bag of capsicums. That I didnt think we needed to buy even though it was a good price and on sale but why do we need a 10lb bag of chopped capsicums. People on the internet should know that we would obviously prefer fresh ones but they are too expensive here during the winter. And this bag is probably a third of the price of fresh.

K: I ain’t no veg snob, all I see is cheap vitamins. Actually all I saw was a bag of shiny colourful dots and was like, MINE NOW

CB: Word

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CB: I put these in too because you made me think of getting a slice of deluxe and all I could think about was peppers on a pizza. Also vitamins I guess. But these are fried wontons so I wasnt being super health conscious.

K; Remember the night before you were making porkchops and I said they smelled like a pizza with green peppers? It was a psychic food premonition. I get those. I can usually tell what my mom is making for dinner.

CB: Based only on the smell of what she’s making for dinner..

K: NO SHE’S PROVINCES AWAY! PROVINCES. Anyway its a useless skill but I’m working on a television pilot. Or should I say my fatcat TV exec brother is. Get on it, B-BOT.

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CB: Here is the bowl of pizza filling goodness. Probably after I ate two spoonfuls of it. I had to check and see if I was in trouble because I got a little happy with the hot sauce.

K: It makes everything BURN when I eat it.  From beginning to bitter end.. if ya know what I mean.

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CB: Next the best part of any sort of pizza related endeavor is cheese. Next time instead of shredding it I will cut it into little cubes.

K: Why, pray tell?

CB: Because it was too hard to get the shredded cheese to stay where I wanted it within the wonton. I had to smoosh it into a little ball.

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CB: Leftover sauce. Which we always have, because we eat meatballs but we dont eat pasta

K: Meatballs.. *dreamy*

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CB: These are the wonton wrappers that I meticulously re-piled so that they wouldn’t stick to each other while I was making them. This is the way I like to pile square things, your OCD may differ.

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CB: Here is the Wontons Maker’s Setup. All the ingredients you need. A shallow bowl of water to dip your dingers in

K: loL DINGERS (typo on my part but I’m leaving it in)

CB: Fingers in. And a clean bowl to pile the finished wontons in.

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CB. So then you make your stack. I started with cheese.

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And then sauce.

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And then pepperoni and capsicum.

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And then an olive because I like olives on pizza. In fact the whole point of mozzarella existing in my life now is for olives to be near it.

K: It’s true. Our other food treat lately has just been mozzerella fried in a pan covered in olives. Its amazing…

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CB: Put a little water around half of the wonton, as pictured in the first image (way up at the top). Then fold it in half, sealing it up.

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Then some other stuff happens and blam a wonton is formed! It’s hard to take pictures of making a wonton while making a wonton because it is a two handed operation. There are good videos on youtube that I used to refresh my memory by a girl named mooncakefactory.

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CB: Fill a little pot with oil and do all the stuff you do to fry stuff. Fry them little wonton bitches in there. Fry them perfectly and take a picture for the internet. I just realized that the tone of this post changed from “here’s what I did for Kara” to an instructional post and the pictures arent at all instructionl so.. goodluck making these. It’s not actually that hard, you probably dont need instructions.

Pro Tips / Confession

I made about 3 flat on the board before doing it the proper way in your hand and it is a lot easier making them in your hand. Also after about 6, I just threw all the shit into one bowl and just mashed it all up because making all those little piles took for-fucking-ever. Sha-ZAM Pizza Wontons!

There are no beautifully plated after pictures because we ate these really quickly while watching a Jet Li movie.

K: Movie was pretty awesome, pizza wontons goes down as one of my Top Ten Treats of All Time. Which is saying a LOT. Thanks CB, U R D BEZT M8. K

CB: Okay I’m done.

 

Pizza Wontons

Yield: Approx. 25 wontons

Time: About an hour

Cost: <$5

 

Ingredients:

1 pkg wontons

1  pepper, diced

200g cheese, cubed or shredded

1/2 a stick of pepperoni, chopped

1 cup tomato sauce

A dozen olives, sliced

Hot sauce *optional

Oil for frying

 

Fry your pepperoni. Cool. Mix it with your peppers.

Take your wontons and stack them to keep the separate.

Hold the wrapper in your hand, put a little cheese, sauce, and pepper mix. Brush half of the wonton with a little water using your finger. Fold.

Fry at 360F in an inch of oil for a few seconds on each side until a nice dark golden brown. If you want them chewier fry until lighter, if you want them crunchy fry them darker.