Donk the Honks with Bonks of Honky, Honky-Honky Honk Honk-Honk, Honk-Honk, Honk, Honk

img_3289

It was my favourite kind of winter day out. When the air is just cold enough for a light bit of snow, blanketing the trees and making the air so still and quiet. There was supposed to be a snow storm today, or as CB’s Nan would put it, we were supposed to “get some dirt.” The snow is starting up now, but this afternoon all we saw was some dainty snowflakes flitting about. The weather so mild I wandered around in my t-shirt to take some pictures.

img_3285

The house looked very cute when I went trudging out to throw some food out for the fox so I came back out again with the camera.

img_3300

Checked in on the old cast iron tub out back of Joan’s house. It was tempting to crawl into that big fluffy pile of snow. It hasn’t felt like Christmas to me yet, but it did this afternoon taking pictures, everything all red, white and green.

img_3314

Last of the lonely golden apples gathering snow on the tree.

img_3311

One of my favourite things to see every day when I come home from work, CB’s wood pile. Makes me feel warm just looking at it.

img_3294

Little pink birdhouse on the birch tree. No birdies inside.

img_3321

Schweep Schweep

img_3316

Some old bricks and CB’s neglected hammer

img_3317

An old bottle and my neglected apples

img_3305

Angelica dries out into these lovely starry wands that would be nice in a christmas tree if you spray painted them silver or gold.

img_3298

Old fireplace grills leaning up against the back of Joan’s house.

_mg_3327

Merry Christmas !

Catching Up with Dr. J. Edward Slothman

slothman

 

Oh haaaaaiiiii…

Man. I’m so laaaaazzzzyyy todayyyy. I am inert, dude. Truly lackadaisacal. Like operating in 100% sloth mode. When I move, it is akin to old farm equipment starting up on a cold winters day; all creaking, moaning, and cloud of pollutants puffing out the back end. Mrrahhhhh

Last night we had a sleep over– which is what we call it when I get all excited and move the mattress from our bedroom to another room in the house and we sleep where it lands. We really only have one other room though so its just plunked down in the living room in front of the TV.

PANO_20150110_161338

The Grand Tour!

CB got this little device dealy that you stick in the TV and you can broadcast youtube through it, so my morning has just been loud cartoons and Nikki Minaj videos on a larger screen. Which is fun. So colourful! So much butts! Despite that kind of beautiful awakening this morning I’m still rather haggard and laggard. Not to be a bragard.. Damn, I am a wordsmith.
This post is sponsored by YeOldeMedeivalEnglishThesaurus.com.

So I realize that for the exception of my brief photo essay on Chickens Using Power Tools, I haven’t posted anything in a long time. Soz, m8s. I have been busy! Ive had more than a month off! I haven’t had to scale flour or cast side eyes at coworkers dubious work habits in weeks! It’s been incredible. Instead, we drove 7,825km there and back, visiting family and friends. Google Maps estimates that to be about 98 hours in a car. You can imagine the mountain of Tim Hortons cups we amassed on our drive.

Next time, we will probably fly, but it was an adventure! A snowy, ice stormy, white knuckly sort of adventure. But we survived! And I got to fill up on family, which is good, because my family meter has been long empty. If I were a Sims character I would have been dancing around angrily and peeing myself long ago. If you do not understand that reference, you are not cool.

I missed my fam so much. Even though travelling took up most of our time so we could only have wee visits, it was still special. I missed my mom’s b-day but I still got to make her a cake, and share christmas with my family. That hasnt happened in about 9 years I think, since I started working in kitchens. BOO KITCHENS. No j/k they’re ok. My mom is better though.

IMG_9882

I got to play a millions games with my brother and sister. Got to have morning coffee’s with my dad!

1419977374322

Pizza lunch with my Gram and Aunty Pat. Got to annoy my cousins while my Aunt Chris made us chicken parmasen for dinner! We ate every single ethnic food we saw. Dr. Phil and lasagna with CB’s nan! Finally we got to have breakfast at our friend Anthony’s restaurant, AMAZING! Then dinner with our friend Ima later on at his third restaurant. Successful bastard. Hugs and whistle dogs with our most best friend Jess who we havent seen in so long she’s gotten all married and become a teacher! Waaah! So many hugs. Im getting better at them now. They are actually pretty cool, hugs. I think that means I’m finally starting to grow as a human being.

IMG_9887

I got SWEET xmas presents! Like one of these bookmarks my sister made out of leather. We lost our old stink dog Oscar a few months ago and she made the three of us booksmarks with his neurotic dog face all over them. It looks exactly like him, she is so wicked with leather. Aw, Osc. I also got an adult fleece Onesie pajamas that I wear ever minute of my life now. If it’s one piece is it still “pajamas” or just a singular pajama? And I got a fishing rod! For to catch a fish! Because I showed great aptitude for that! CBs mom made me an awesome birthday quilt and for xmas gave me these tiny ceramic skunks, probably one of my favourite presents ever now. And my brother bought me a million books. Like literally a garbage bag full of books with a christmas bow on it. I have so many books now. Thanks, bro-bot!

_MG_9902

We spent a lot of time at christmas with CB’s fam. We got to be their annual boxing day bash, which is always fun! There was so much food and hiding from strangers! I drank a lot of whiskey.

_MG_9897

 

It was so warm for a week in December that Arlene’s chickens started laying eggs!! She thought someone was pranking her, hiding brown, shit covered eggs all over the place. Ha! She was so excited, it was great.

IMG_20150104_102728

And ate a million diner breakfasts! CB’s raison d’etre. That one was at a truck stop in Quebec, it came with breakfast meat pie! Oh I also ate so much pie. One day, I ate 4 different pieces of pie. I also gained 17 pounds this month. That is not a lie or gross exaggeration. It is just gross.

IMG_9926

Oh yeah..

Five days ago I officially became an old bag.

Sigh.

The big Three-Oh. A solemn dong from the Gong of Eternity sounding out through the din of time, in celebration of my ever shortening, but constant and inescapable, march towards death. CB MADE ME CAKE!

IMG_9923

Here he is spackling on the strawberry mousse frosting with a (very clean) drywall knife. It was chocolate, with strawberries and whiskey. YEEEEAHHH!

Now if youll excuse me, I think I will make a tea and see about maybe sporting some pants perhaps. Good day!

Hitting The Road


_MG_9545_2

VAY-KAY-SHUNNNNNN BAY-BEEEEEEE!

Well, we did it. We made it off the island alive. And then off the second, larger, island alive. And then out of the province alive. And then out of the next 2 provinces alive. It took almost a week longer then it should have due to weather, but it was a nice trip We took it slow, and when stuff happened like having to pull off the highway because of weather, we pretended it was all part of the awesome vacation experience! Not having time constraints makes travelling 600% better!

Oh that picture is of a lighthouse! I peed on it… I couldnt hold it any longer! I peed on a national historic site. Sorry everybody!

_MG_9520

 

This was CB’s view, for the 20 hours of driving we did. Listening to a random mixture of hip hop, Raymond Chandler radio shows, my amazing collection of 80’s music, Johnny Cash and Sherlock Homes stories… so we are insane now.

_MG_9490

 

This was the view on the little ferry off the island.

_MG_9493

 

You can see the back of the ferry in our rear view mirror. Also, some wood.

_MG_9506

Look at the ferry’s cool open mouth! Thats what you drive out of. Neat eh! As you can see, our ferry is a bit on the rusty side. We are getting a new one next year! Woot woot!

_MG_9508

 

Driving driving driving! Mostly uneventful, which is good.

IMG_20141210_123818

 

We lucked out and got off the highway randomly in New Brunswick and found ourselves driving straight into the parking lot of a SCHNITZELHAUSE, as if guided by angels of the lord baby jesus. Look at that. Veal schnitzel with spaetzel noodles, caramelized onions, red cabbage and sauerkraut!

IMG_20141210_131118

 

And apple strudel for dessert. It was magic. The restaurant was decorated for christmas, with life-size santas that danced and sang and candles and holly and christmas lights and beer steins everywhere. I may have had emotions while eating my strudel.. it was just very nice.

_MG_9567

 

Another place we ended up accidentally and were so happy for was A&K Lick-a-Chick! They have the best fried chicken and we always talk about how good this place was. It was fate we ended up there while looking for something completely different!

I wish I took more pictures, it was a nice trip so far. We spent a week in Cape Breton, hanging out with CB’s nan, eating pizza at our favourite pizza place– she made us tea buns even though her arm is killing her and they were amazing, with a cup of tea– we visited CB’s awesome Aunt Carol and cousin Jen and I did crafts for 3 hours with children and it was really fun.. we saw a fox! We stayed out in CB’s nans summer house which is in such a lovely spot. We went to a movie for the first time in 2 years! We had a great week there.

Now we are safe at CB’s parents house. My butt is bruised from driving. Its flat like a hamburger. That’s all for now!

 

 

Presenting.. Presents 2.0!

IMG_6652

This year I got some of the most special presents made by the hands of my most special people.

My pastry gals handed me a christmas bag with a bottle of 12 yr old Gibsons and this hat inside. It was commissioned by my pastry ladies from a description from CB, and knit by a girl at work. I mentioned I lost my hat a little while back but I didn’t mention how completely gutted I was about it. It was green and made of thick wool from Peru, with cat ears, ear flaps  you could tie tight around your head for warmth with big pompoms on the end. Whenever I felt anxious I would smell the pompoms, like a weirdo, but it always smelled like home and made me feel better.

I bought it on a school trip to New York City when I was 18 or 19, and during that week everyone on the trip took a turn wearing it. It has a hashish burn on one ear from an arts kid and the other ear was permanently droopy. It has been all over the world with me. I lose EVERYTHING and I had never lost track of it. It was almost like my security blanket. One day last month I took it off and threw it in the back seat of the car. CB asked me why I wasnt wearing my kitten hat, and I said I felt awkward in this new place with it on, like people would think I was a lunatic, and that maybe I am too old now to wear a hat with kitten ears on it. The next day I think it blew out of the car. I felt even more bad because it heard me say bad things about it the last time we saw each other. Sorry kitten hat, I didn’t mean it! So when I opened the bag and saw a replica in lime green and purple I cried and hugged them. Those of you that know me, know I don’t really cry and I definitely don’t hug. It was the nicest, most thoughtful present ever. I think CB had a lot to do with it. Thankyou Ceebs!

IMG_6646

CB’s mum made me a WICKED ASS apron! And its the perfect colours for me, brown and black, so it won’t show all my messy chocolate stains.

IMG_6650

It has two little pockets which is so handy and nice thick apron strings that are very comfy. Look at the flowers on the pockets, so cute!

IMG_6647

This isn’t exactly “hand made” but I wanted to show you the kind of guy my boss is. This was his christmas gift to everyone this year and he was so pleased with himself about it. Haha. It’s mow my official Laundry Day shirt.

IMG_6648

This is me expertly modelling the apron CB’s mum made for him. It has farms all over!

IMG_6649

Farmy! Just like home.

IMG_6651

CB’s mum also made me these sweet place matts! They are in my favourite colours, and are perfect because after 8 years we finally have a kitchen table.

IMG_6456

This is also from CB’s mom… it is.. a sexy santa bedazzled martini glass with a feather boa around it’s base. I’m drinking my rye and cokes out of it. Class!

Thank you everyone for the amazing presents. You know how excited I get for these things, and they made me the happiest gal in subarctic newfoundland!

All The Good Stuff

IMG_6609

Merry Late Christmas Everybody!

I spent my christmas working like a dang ol’ merry joy filled slave of yuletide spirit, so CB and I are having our Christmas this weekend. So.. many cookies, so much.. hot chocolate.. oh god..

We just made a beautiful dinner of the BEST turkey of my life so far ala CB, gingerale carrots (my fav, also ala CB), cranberry sauce, creamy buttery mashed potatoes and fresh rolls. I also broke into my christmas whiskey and chocolate stash.

IMG_6606

How christmasy is that! Its like a little alter of Christmastness. I was just standing there staring at it lovingly when CB was like “what the hell are you doing over there smiling like that?” I just LIKE IT OKAY!

IMG_6537

This is a picture of our last big bad for us dinner, roast chicken and doughnuts. The doughnuts we actually took to a party. But not after eatin a couple. We may or may not have dipped them into the chicken fat drippings in the pan. Best thing ever.

IMG_6601

Nope actually, this is the best thing ever. After such a hell of a long ass week, this was a really nice thing to end it with. I made white bread and rolls, and saved some dough for toutons. Thats just balls of white bread thrown into a hot buttery pan and squished a bit. So good with butter and syrup. Like a pancake times a million.

We also were invited to a dinner at the Inn. It was so nice. Just a few of us, sitting at a long table, passing food and sharing stories. I had goose! And a bird called a Turr. Its a cute northern bird that looks kinda of like a penguin and is related to the Auk. It also happens to be super delicious. It’s meat is dark and tasty. The texture of moist chicken, and tastes like slightly fishy roast beef. That sounds gross actually, but its really nice. Also we had beautifully cooked fresh cod with butter sauce, scrunchions and mustard pickles. Tiny baby brussel sprouts and winter chard. I made big fluffy cloverleaf rolls for everyone, with home made butter to melt all over them. For dessert I made Lassie Jam tarts. That is a pie made with a ginger & black tea cookie dough crust with partridge berry jam as the filling and a lattice top and whipped creme fraiche for on top. There was also blueberry figgy duffs baked in cast iron pans with butter rum sauce. Really traditional Newfoundland baking! My favourite kind. And cookies, tons of cookies! It was a really nice night and I was so happy we were invited. It was sad not to able to be home having nice dinners with our families, but that was a pretty good stand in.

I also opened all my christmas presents!!!! Well, I still have some in the mail from the famdango so I’ll wait to post pictures of all my awesome presents. Because I love presents and showing off.

But now I must sleep, goodnight y’alls!

Gingerbread Salt Box

DSC_1988

My gingerbread house! With a lawn of cookies and treats… it’s a traditional newfoundland salt box, with yellow clapboard. It’s accurately tilting a little to the left as well!

DSC_2058

CB did the roof, and it looks awesome! And you can sort of even see the creepy little GB man peeking out the window on the bottom right.

Batch o’ Lavosh

Crackers are nice. I made some. You can make some too! DO IT! It’s good stuff.

These lavash crackers were bundled up in cellophane, tied with a ribbon and given out in our christmas baskets as presents this year with jam and cookies and stuff like that. They were delicious.

For full step by step photo instructions, check out my Instructable here.

Lavosh Crackers

Yield: Two 13 x 9 sheet pans of crackers, over 3 dozen medium crackers
Time: 1 1/2 hours, start to finish
Cost: <$5
Hardware:

– Medium sized bowl
– Measuring cup
– Teaspoon & tablespoon measures
– Rolling pin
– Pizza cutter, or sharp knife
– Pastry brush
– 2 cookie sheets (13″x9″)

– Baking paper
– Thermometer (optional)

Software:

– 3 cups all purpose flour
– 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
– 1 teaspoon dry yeast

– 2 tablespoons honey
– 2 tablespoons olive oil
– 1 cup water, at blood temperature

– 1 egg for an egg wash (optional, can use water)
– Toppings such as sesame seeds, poppyseeds, paprika, chopped nuts, cracked pepper, sea salt etc..
Instructions:

1. In a medium sized mixing bowl, combine warm water and yeast and let sit for 5 minutes to give it a head start. Your water should be around 95 degrees, or just slightly warm to the touch. If you are using instant yeast, you can skip this step and just combine all ingredients into a bowl.  Stir in the flour, salt, honey, olive oil and bring everything together into a shaggy ball.

2. Sprinkle some flour on the counter and transfer the dough to the counter. Knead for about 10 minutes. The dough should be satiny to the touch, not tacky, and supple enough to stretch when pulled. If the dough tears easily when stretched, knead a little bit longer until it can be stretched out without tearing. The dough should register 77° to 81°F on a thermometer if you’re using one. Lightly oil a bowl and transfer the dough to the bowl, rolling it around to coat it with oil. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap or tea towel and let dough sit in bowl at room temperature for about an hour, or until the dough doubles in size. (You can also retard the dough overnight in the refrigerator immediately after kneading or mixing).

3. Press down your dough and fold it in on itself a couple of times to redistribute the yeast. Divide in two. Press the first half of dough into a square with your hand and dust the top of the dough lightly with flour. Roll it out with a rolling pin into a paper thin sheet about 9 inches by 13 inches. I find its easiest to pick the dough up, and gently stretch it out using your knuckles and the back of your hand until you can see light through it. Repeat with the second half of the dough.

4. Preheat oven to 350°F. Line sheet pans with baking parchment. Carefully lift the sheets of dough and lay it on the parchment. If it overlaps the edge of the pan, snip off the excess with scissors. Use a very sharp knife or pizza cutter to cut the dough sheets into triangles.

5. Beat an egg in a small bowl with a teaspoon of water. Gently brush the top of the dough with egg wash and sprinkle a covering of seeds or spices on the dough.


6. Bake 10 to 15 minutes, or until the crackers begin to brown evenly across the top. Remove from the oven and let them cool in the pan before moving.