Donuts of Intense Greatness

Mmmm.. Donuts…

Yo!

Are you ready to be a goddamn hero? I have the secret. Make some donuts. People will lose their minds. There will be screaming. There will be cream and crumbs everywhere. It will be a bloody massacre.


Fat stacks. If delicious smells bad than these donuts be stinkin’.

Crispy Fluff Donuts

1 tbsp active dry yeast (or 2 envelopes)
1/4 cup warm water (105 to 110 degrees)
1 1/2 cups lukewarm milk
1/2 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1/4 cup butter
4 tbsp oil
5 cups all-purpose flour

1 quart vegetable oil for frying

Sprinkle the yeast over the warm water, and let stand for 5 minutes, or until foamy.

Mix together the yeast mixture, milk, sugar, salt, eggs, butter, oil, and 2 cups of the flour. Mix for a few minutes at low speed, or stirring with a wooden spoon.

Beat in remaining flour 1/2 cup at a time, until the dough no longer sticks to the bowl.

Knead for about 5 minutes, or until smooth and elastic. Place the dough into a greased bowl, and cover. Set in a warm place to rise until double. Dough is ready if you touch it, and the indention remains. Alternatively you can make this the night before, wrap it EXTREMELY well in saran wrap and leave in the fridge over night.

Turn the dough out onto a floured surface, and gently roll out to 1/2 inch thickness. Cut with a floured doughnut cutter. Let doughnuts sit out to rise again until double. Cover loosely with a cloth.

Heat oil in a deep-fryer or large heavy skillet to 360 degrees F (180 degrees C). Carefully drop donuts into the hot oil. Turn doughnuts over as they turn a deep golden brown.

Remove from hot oil, to drain on a wire rack. Dip doughnuts into the glaze while still hot, and set onto wire racks to drain off excess. Keep a cookie sheet or tray under racks for easier clean up.

Vanilla Glaze

1/3 cup butter
2 cups confectioners’ sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
4 tablespoons hot water or as needed
Melt butter in a saucepan over medium heat. Stir in confectioners’ sugar and vanilla until smooth. Remove from heat, and stir in hot water one tablespoon at a time until the icing is somewhat thin, but not watery. Set aside.

Donuts are ready for frying when they are nice and chubby and you can smell their yeasty goodness quite prominently. If you poke them they will spring right back at ya.

My little frying station. We have our ugly wee camping pot filled with a couple inches of oil, bubbling away at about 360-370F.

You want the oil pretty hot, so the donuts only fry for less than a minute, any longer and they start to suck up the oil.

And thats not good eating.

Yorm yorm yorm. Few things are nicer in the whole wide world than a pile of warm, home made donuts.

Holy moly. Donuts with holes will fry faster and have less chance of getting too oily. I rolled these out quite a bit thinner than usual because I didn’t want big fluffy ones this time.

So fluff! Yet crispy. Magic.

Schmear on the cream.

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Greedy Meat Feelings

On the way home from loading giant sacks of pellets into the truck while CB frollicked with a dozen fluffy barn kittens with eyes like sapphires, we found a DELI!

A EUROPEAN deli, with spicy calabrese, soprasetta, amazing proccutto, Mennonite salami, glorious looking goats milk cheeses… AUNGH! Damn! It was hard not to be greedy, grab everything and run away like a chubby thief in the NIGHT!

We very reservedly chose a long, dry salami that was rolled in a crust of peppercorns. And a 5 year old cheddar labelled “extreme”.

I made a tasty little plate of the cheddar and salami with some dill pickles, salty radishes, sour green apples drizzled with honey and two industrial sized rye & cokes with way too much ice.

A perfect summer meal. And when the plate was clean we trundled upstairs to have a nice warm late afternoon nap full of beautiful cheese dreams floating on a cloud of salami breath and roaring farts.

CB:”Kara, I don’t mean to upset you, but there is a baby moose in the house. And he’s sad.”

Pot o’ Slop

Today I am attempting to recreate a legend.

Tales have been told and told again of this magical substance, called Turkey Slop. Made by a magical creature, by the name of Mama Dot.

When CB was wee–“cb”– he was babysat by Mama Dot and Daddy Pat. They lived in a little white house in the woods and watched kids for a living. CB told me he would be in their kitchen (I imagine with fists full of cookies) and hear a knock at the door. Mama dot would open it up and there would be a raccoon, arms at his chest, waiting for lunch. She would hand him a bowl of beef stew and he would take it around the side of the house to eat it. She fed all the animals who lived in the woods around the house, including turkeys and porcupines. Daddy Pat was an old fellow who liked to put together playground equipment for the kids. CB used to call one the “baby mangler”, it was a sort of 6 sided see-saw with a mass of gears clanking away in the centre. Mama Dot and Daddy Pat have become legendary characters to me and I’m so happy to be making a meal that CB’s family equates with them. Turkey Slop is basically, turkey dinner in a pot, mashed potatoes and stuffing and all, boiled down with noodles until its thick and, well, sloppy. How can that not be the tastiest thing on earth?

Turkey Broth

1 clean picked turkey carcass

2 carrots, rough chopped

2 onions, rough chopped

2 sticks of celery, chopped

Put all ingredients into a heavy bottomed pot, and add just enough water to cover the bones. Bring to a boil, turn down to low heat and let simmer 4-8 hours. I like to put it on right after dinner and leave it on all night.

When its done, pour it through a fine mesh strainer into a bowl. Keep 4 litres for slop, and reserve the rest for cooking later on!

Turkey Slop

1 Turkey Dinners worth of Leftovers (mash potatoes, turnips, carrots, beans, peas, turkey, gravy, stuffing etc..)

4 Litres Turkey Broth

2 cups pasta

3 tbsp sage

1 tsp cumin

1 squeeze of lemon juice

Put leftovers and broth in the pot and let reduce until nice and thick. 20 minutes before eating it up, throw in the pasta and let cook. If you have brussel sprouts, keep them aside and throw them in at the last minute, or they will get bitter. Slop is finished when the spoon stands straight up!

Burn it with FIRE!

Hey! Look what I just made with my sisterthing. Creme brulees, bitches! Coffee, as well as white chocolate flavours!

Silky smooth.

White Chocolate Creme Brulee

500ml 35% cream
1/2 cup sugar
250g white chocolate, chopped
6 egg yolks
2 tbsp vanilla

Preheat oven to 300 degrees.

Put the kettle on to boil.

Heat cream + sugar until a ring of bubbles form around the sides of the pot. Add white chocolate and stir until melted into the mix.

Temper hot cream mix into yolks while whisking, a little a time until entirely blended together.

Pour through a fine mesh strainer into container with a lip that pours well. Add in vanilla.

Place 4 ramekins into a baking dish and fill each one up nearly to the top.

Pour hot water from the kettle into the baking dish, about halfway up the sides of the ramekins. Cover with tinfoil and bake 20-25 minutes. They should wiggle just the slightest bit in the middle when they’re done.

Let cool. Cover each creme brulee with a thin layer of white sugar and burn the tops using a torch or place under the broiler until the tops are caramelized. Bingo Bango!

Murgh Blurgh

Healthy Butter Chicken

Healthy Butter Chicken

MMMMMMMurgh Makhni!

Probably one of my most favourite things in the world. I used to make this in the kitchen for staff meal about once a month and people would make me write down the recipe. When I made it for work I would also add about a litre of cream before serving, so the sauce was a nice soft rose colour. It was my personal goal to fatten everyone at work up. I did a really good job of it. Especially on myself. What a chub. Anyway, here is a healthier version of what I used to make. Butter chicken is really forgiving so if you dont have yohurt, use sour cream or milk, if you dont have tomato paste use the same amount of Campbells tomato soup and skip adding the salt. Play around, let it simmer, and people will murgh makhni in their pants over how good this is. There’s a lot of steps here but you can do all of them at once and it’s really only 20-30 minutes of prep. If you can wait its even better the next day.

It’s nice with rice.

A Healthier Butter Chicken

Curry Spice Mix

2 tbsp turmeric
2 tbsp curry powder
2 tbsp garam masala
4 tbsp cumin

Combine all ingredients.

Marinade

2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken breast or thigh, cubed
1/2 cup Greek yoghurt
2 tbsp Curry Spice Mix
4 tbsp tomato puree
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
salt, to taste
Combine all ingredients in a large ziplock bag or bowl, and let sit in fridge atleast one hour, preferably over night
Curry Sauce
2 large onions, roughly chopped
1/4 cup olive oil
1 tbsp butter
1/4 cup freshly chopped ginger
1/4 cup freshly chopped garlic
1 tbsp salt
1 can tomato puree
1 cup brown sugar
8 tbsp curry spice mix (more or less to taste)
Cayenne powder to taste
1/2 cup cashew or almonds
1/2 cup water
Preheat your oven to 450 degrees.

 

In a large, heavy bottomed stock pot heat up your olive oil and butter on medium-high heat. Stir in your garlic and ginger until browned, then add in your onions and sautee until tender. This will take 10-15 minutes.

 

Lay out your marinated chicken onto a baking dish lined with tinfoil. Roast at 450 until chicken is starting to char on the tips, stirring every 5-10 minutes.

 

Meanwhile, in a small dry pan, toast your nuts until lightly browned. Set aside. In the same pan toast your spice mix 3-4 minutes on medium high heat until you can really start to smell the spices.

 

In a food processor blend together nuts, spice mix and 1/2 cup of water til you have a smooth, aromatic paste.

 

Add tomato puree to onion mix. Add in your spicy nut paste. Add in cayenne pepper if using. Throw in sugar. Cook down for 10 minutes until all ingredients are incorporated. Mix with stick blender until smooth. Taste and add more spice, garlic, sugar or salt as needed, a little at a time.

 

When satisfied with sauce, add in your roasted chicken, making sure to scrape in all the marinade with it.

 

Let simmer atleast 1 hour. This thickens the sauce, marries the flavours and makes the chicken get all softly melty.

 

Garnish with yoghurt and chopped green onions if you’ve got it. Serve with rice or naan! If you want that silky creamy butter kind of butter chicken, before you serve it add 2-4 cups of heavy cream to your sauce. Mmmmrmmmm…