Octo.. burrr.. gerrrrr…

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Well hello my dumplings. Oh me? Just relaxing, sipping on some orange pop and crown royal like a professional criminal, just having a real good time. I thought Id write a blog because its been a while.

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Its nearing the end of October, my favourite month. This month SO MUCH has happened! First my baby brother and baby sister are now officially both old wrinkly crypt keepers who are basically just dust held together with phlegm. Happy B-days to them! (B-Bot I did buy you a present but I haven’t mailed it out yet, so in case you’re thinking I love K-Dawg more, you’re correct. But I’m still supposed to love you too so I will send that out on my day off on wednesday!!)

Oh yeah, and I kind of got a MOTORCYCLE. And I am all like:

***BRRRRRUHHHHHHPPPP BRUP BRUP BRRRAAAAUUUUUUWWWWRRRRRRR*** *stall* *BRAAWWWWWWPPPP*

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Ta-dawwwwww. Oh lawd. Yes. Look at that sexy piece of German engineering right there. Das ist gut, ja? Das ist sehr gut, ja!!

It is a 1978 BMW R100/7. It is smallish just right for me, but with a 1000cc engine it moooves and it sounds like its gonna eat you when you get’er going. It sounds serious, and it pulls like a horse when you start off. SO. MUCH. FUN. I havent been out on her yet because the weather has been cold and snowy off and on. CB is my hero forever for this bike. We drove to Gander, where he got on a plane to Halifax, picked up the bike and rode it to sydney, said hello to his Nan and then onto the ferry from Cape Breton to Port au Basque NL, got a boost from some truckers on the ferry when the battery went dead, and drove all the way home. Over 1000 kilometres. In the cold. In rain, and hail, and snow. Fueled by balogne sandwiches and sheer will. That is romance. That is real life romance. Be still, my fart.

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There she is in the drive way, being gently covered in snowflakes. How beautiful. I like everything about this bike and I cant wait to get riding finally. Last week I ducked out of work and took my text for my motorcycle beginners licence and passed, which was great. Its so damn much fun. Im so addicted.

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This was us trying to put it away once it started snowing. Cory was all like “awesome, the bars fit perfectly through— aw shit. Right, the engine.” We are 2 mm’s away from being able to put it safely away in the basement, so she is still sitting out there in 2 motorcycle covers, and I feel guilty.

IMG_2049_2This is a picture from an event we had at work on Thanksgiving. Thats Chef Lynn Crawford lovingly sprinkling sponge toffee over my apple fritters for the dessert course. I think maybe half of it actually made it passed her and onto the dessert. Toffee, fiend. That event was amazing, and I felt so proud to be a part of it!


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Today at work the local Cubs are coming in for a spooky halloween movie, and a costume contest, so we made some treats. I love making halloween treats. Those are rice krispie treat pumpkins

CSQB6SoUAAEnqclSpoO0O0OKy zombie eyeballs made of lemon cookies and gummi life savers

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Severed witches fingers, and a few toes for good measure

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Some little chocolate dipped Frankenstein monster heads

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And some snowball bats, a big witch’s cauldron full of caramel corn, and a vat of blood punch with floating ice cube hands in it. YAY! HALLOWEEN!!

Thats about all thats been happening. I kept my promise of treating myself better. I have been better about being in touch with my Fams. I spent a whole day in Gander getting my hair did, and buying make up, and eating frozen yoghurt and cheese burgers and pizza and being nice to myself. I have been at work less. I have beeeeeennnn.. oh Ive been washing my hair with beer and eggs for about a month which is doing a lovely job! On my skin I use coconut oil and vitamin E and it feels nice and smooth. I dunno, Ive been doing better with myself. Its a slow process, but Ill get there. One day Ill be Good.

Oh! My blogs been a bit butts lately so I havent had much traffic but these are the best Random Search Terms From Freaky Ass Strangers for this month:

humpling tabel

squashball squeezing

wwwww.iamdanpotatosaxy.con

two old ladies talking

waffles baking girl illusions

I dont know why but “humpling tabel” made me laugh so much. What is that even supposed to be. And also thats way too many w’s for a website, also everything else is wrong. All the other search terms seemed to centre around different combinations of dogs and small girls which makes me a) reconsider the content of my blog because I am going seriously wrong somewhere and b) maybe have the FBI make a list of these people, using my blog for bait…. creepy…

Thats all y’alls, BYE NOW.

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Happy Canada Day, ya hosers!

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Hi!

It’s me! Remember? I have neglected this blog so badly, because it’s summer, and I have officially started living at my place of work. It’s been a bit much I think, I was feeling worn down by the grind. So we spent these days off together really trying to have a great, relaxing week end. Celebrated canada’s birthday by eating as much ice cream as possible and riding around on the motorcycle in the sunshine. Its making me feel more human. Not so much like KILLKILLKILL. Ya know?

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Growlers, the ice cream place on the island was open, had a BUBBLE MACHINE blowing bubbles all over. And they had maple ice cream. I had chocolate & molasses raisin bread flavours in a waffle cone. CB had blueberry and chocolate. It was.. in..cred..ible….

We headed to the arena for the Canada Day festivities!

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We found out that its all happening outside, ha.

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Kids spazzing out at the shindig. There was TWO different kinds of bouncy castle. I ate a cupcake and a hotdog. I put a flag in my pony tail and tried to put maple leaf temporary tattoos on my cheeks but licking them did no good.

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Awesome cute ladies serving the hoards of citizens. I love her apron made out of a quilt. Beautiful!

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Off to lunch!
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Fish and chips and beer and stinky malt vinegar and gravy on everything. YAY CANADA!

IMG_20150701_162736Yum.

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We took a ride out to Tilting and went up a rocky dirt road to Olivers Cove that we have always wanted to take a run up. So beautiful! It was a perfect day for random adventures.


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CB’s motorcycle thinking deep thoughts while staring at the sea….

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Little creek. 
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So much seaweed! 
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Gardening gloves on one pole, a pair of flippers on the other. I like how these folks garden. 

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Little pools of sea water dry up and leave salty patches on the rocks.

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Checking out the gardens. I see lots of potatoes and rhubarb.

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This is as far as we got due to an overwhelming desire for a nap. Next time we will go out to those trees and have a peek for some caribous. And now, Im full of fish & chips and ice cream and hot dogs and cupcakes and beer and sunshine so my day was pretty much perfect. Good night!




Motorcycle Diarrheas

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Ah man, I was thinking I need to write a blog because its been a while but I dont really know what to ramble about. The weather perchance? Its nicer than its been in what feels like ETERNITY. Its gorgeous out! We has been very very very busy at work. My desserts are looking sexual because I am starting to be able to use things that are growing out of the ground for real, which is nice. Yarrow, coltsfoot, dandelion.. I have been stuck teasing the sweetness out of root vegetables for too long, dressing them up fancy, slapping on some lipstick and calling them Sally. Beet sorbet is nice, but my kingdom for a fucking strawberry! Yeah mostly my lifes been about work. We tried to go fishing last days off.. it lasted about 0.00785 seconds. We will give’r another go later on, because Im dying to use this lure that looks like a cool frog!

 

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OH! We bought a new bed. That doesnt sound exciting, but it took us a year to save up and we havent had a good nights sleep since moving back to Canada. Im in it right now, it is soooooffftttt. Its probably the most comfortable bed Ive ever farted all night in. AND, I have yet to get chocolate or cracker crumbs in it, so kudos to me. OH! OH! And my cousin is getting married this week. Im kinda fucked up about not being able to go. Im missing out on my fam all dressed up all fancy and shit, getting drunk while my Uncle Dave chases everyone around trying to get them to dance. CONGRATS COUS-O! I will send you a very elegant, inappropriate card  and gift at some point.

 

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Oh these pictures took a creepy turn. I went down into the basement to switch over the laundry and thought Id take a picture of CB’s cool motorcycle hangout. I found a spider tickling a fly while it rolled around in its web! Unlikely friends!

 

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Found this strange golden lightbulb and screwed it into a socket. Pretty. Like the worlds saddest disco ball…

 

 

 

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This is where our dump motorcycle lives. We have dubbed it The Crasher, because its going to maybe be my first bike and thats what Im mostly going to be doing with it. Crashing into various things. Trees, mail boxes, your mum. Anyway I thought his set up looked super cool with all the bare bulbs and dishevelled pink bat insulation all over the place. Kind of a Buffalo Bill vibe to it. 

So yeah, that’s it really.. work work.. eating an ice cream almost every day. Excited about fruit. Eating a lot of hotdogs… not much else to report in on.. going to squish my bod into this new bed now and have some cool dreams. Last night I dreamt I won a radio show contest and they shrunk me and about 100 other people down very small and make us fight Hungry Games style to the death in an abandoned subway line. I made a bow and arrow out of a stick and a rubber band with flaming matchstick arrows– well actually i only had one but I used it at a pivotal moment, winning the contest! A contest within a contest! Also I was dressed like robin hood and was super good at climbing up ropes. Like a super power.

Alright thats enough now, enough of that. Goodnight

 

 

 

 

Ready for ya, SUNSHINE!

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Check it out! My motorcycle ensemble is nearly complete! Im going for a kind of adorable douchebag chic. This picture does not properly convey how exceedingly visible I am. Its pretty bright, they will definitely see me coming. Fluorescent colours literally scream class. THEY CRAM CLASS DOWN YOUR THROAT! RAWWWW!

Yeah anyway, Im pretty happy. My 13 year old girl self would be so proud.

Motorcycle Nursery

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This is the place where my motorcycle is going to be born. CB has been cleaning and organizing it all week. It’s just a little ramshackle shack, but look at this shizzzz! It’s like the Tardis up in there!

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Ohhhhhh so organized. He’s got buckets for stuff, and mayo jars for things, and shelves for his bits and bobs. And a work bench made out of a road sign we found underneath our couch cushions. Not one, not two, but THREE whole entire barbeques that may or may not actually work all stacked all up ons eachother. Some looney tunes cut outs complete the decor. I like it! Kind of serial killer chic. This is where CB will painstakingly take apart our brokenass motorcycle, clean, fix, and put it back together until it roars like a tigaaaa

 

 

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Okay so it looks a bit like a butthole right now, but its going to be so super sexy soon. Well not soon. But some time in the future! Its a 1981 Yamaha Midnight Maxim… all black and gold.. so classsyyyyyy

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Its like a motorcycle womb! Made of scrap wood and spiders!

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This little space heater doesn’t really do much, but its kind of cute. Like a toasty little robot friend.

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Electricity! For blasting choonz on the ol’ boom box and what not. Or boiling up a cup of tea first thing in the morning before CB gets his hands all greasy.

So yeah.. Thats it, thats the shed. I look forward to chronicling my journey into Badass Motorcycle Bitchness. I CANT WAIT TO BUY BOOOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Love,

 

Karallalalalall

SNOW FLAKES!

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Well, we felt the first snowflakes of the year here yesterday. It was kind of a strange morning, cold and bright. CB was joking about trying to get out on his motorcycle, even if it snowed. We looked out the window and sure enough… So he dropped everything he was doing and raced around getting into his motorcycle gear so he could get on his bike before the snowflakes melted. I watched from the doorway as he sped away into the snow, every one of our neighbors shaking their heads as he passed, and thought.. yup… there he goes.. even in the snow..

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Last week I set up a little paint studio in the spare bedroom. Sorry Piss, I will clear it up before you come to visit! Even though I know you’d LOVE my “Sexy Brenda” plastic mug thats keeping my brushes safe.. a parting gift left by the guys when they moved out of this house and we moved in. That and a Sports Illustrated calendar. So thoughtful. I have it on Miss December– its that blonde with all the boobies, and they made her stand in Antarctica for hours in a bikini when the same thing could have been accomplished with photoshop.. poor gal. Such boobies!

Im thinking of doing a Bob Ross. Or atleast starting off Bob Ross and seeing where that takes me.. it may lead to something like if Egon Schiele and Heironymous Bosch fell in love and had a baby who was really into cartoons and cat videos. But ol Bob will be in there, underneath, with his happy little trees and their friends so they dont get lonely. That guy was seriously a fucking angel come to Earth. WE DID NOT DESERVE BOB ROSS.

Anyway

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First snowflakes! Some of them were BIG muther snowflakes! I was like, WATCH OUT NOW! Trying to get the big ones to and in my breakfast Rye & Coke.

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CB racing out to get the motorcycle out of the shed before the sun came out and warmed up all the fluffy snowflakes!

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DEAD SNOWFLAKE BODIES ON MOTORCYCLE BOOTS. Im really going for it on the capital letters this post, sorry. It seems like Im really amped up but Im just sitting here in my housecoat waiting for our Noodles & Sauce to cook. 5 more minutes.. ugh COOKING.

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Sourdough rye and tea for breakfast, lovely. We are both sick over here, so its been very boring foodwise. Mostly just swigs of Buckleys between gulps of snot so.. no good food pics to share. Unless you want to see the mountain of kleenex Im piling up beside the bed, it has a very Close Encounters kind of vibe to it.

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Oh also, here is one of the best things about being a grown up. BUYING HALLOWEED CANDY CAPITAL LETTERS AGAIN BUT FOR REAL THIS TIME IM REAL EXCITED. We bought pineapple pop, bags of doritos and KINDER SUPRISE EGGS for every kid! We are going to KILL IT this year! Kinder surprise eggs! Little baby devil me would kiss me. Or get shy and run away. And later come back to break the windows in your basement…

Happy Halloween you little creeps!

weemethebeezkneez

Best Day In Ages

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CB and I have had the best day in AGES.

This has been the worst winter. BLEAUGH. I guess I dont have to tell you guys, you uh, know.. everyone knows.

But this morning we got up early and took a drive out the the bakery for toast and coffee. The air was mild, and there was hardly any wind. It was warm enough that I took my jacket off. So nice.

We had breakfast at the cafe and shot the shit with Bonnie and Pauline for a while. Then we bought groceries– my fav. I bought beer and lemonade for shandy’s. And cashews and apricots and hummus and meat.. because I have totally chubbed out this winter and it’s time for healthiness times before my blood pressure explodes my fat little heart.

 

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Usually my snacks would be a couple of chocolate bars and a bag of chips. This is much healthier.

Oh yeah,

AND WE BOUGHT A MOTHER FUCKING BAR-B-QUEEEEEEEEE! Jealous, MAH FUKAHZZZ?  Yeah I thought so.

Bet you’re not jealous of the hour it took to assemble and the bomb of plastic and cardboard that subsequently blew up all over out kitchen:

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Unlike building anything from IKEA, this one will actually make us dinner afterwards.

Et, Voila:

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Ponk chomps. I got over excited and we cooked ALL the pork chops.

Pork chops and Terminator 2 in the sunshine with a beer & lemonade shandy. How nice is that!

Terminator 2 is totally awesome. I had never really seen it. Arnie, you’re tops!

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Look at all the snow melting and turning our road into a river!! EXCITING!

Fifteen degrees! You know what that means.. motorcycle weather..

 

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Here she is. The great gold and black beast. It’s slightly less “together-y” now. A few days ago I came home to find a smoking gas tank on the front step.. the oven on low and smelling of gas.. the shower disconnected in the bathroom but the tub SUSPICIOUSLY shiny clean and BB’s from our BB gun EVERYWHERE. And most mysteriously, the dryer door open with a blanket, the cushions from the couch and a garbage bag hanging out of it…….

CB might need a real life shop to do this shit in man.. It took me ages to figure out what happened. I wont go into details, but it involved the gas tank being in the oven, tub and dryer at some point– the real point is though, that whatever foolery he engaged in to get there, it worked. And saved him from spending $400 for a new gas tank! Yay!

So yeah.. breakfast, coffee & lemon squares, chili and toast for lunch, grocery shopping, motorcycle playings– OH AND I SAW AN EAGLE! It was fighting a couple of crows and flew right over the car while I was driving, so COOL, eagles are amazing– sunshine! And barbaeque dinner! And beer! AND I HAVE A LITTLE ICE CREAM MAKER COMING IN THE MAIL!

And I found my hat.

What a great fucking day! Thanks universe, for not totally sucking today. You rock sometimes.