Happy Pi Day



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Happy Pi Day Everybody!

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February: Things I am Liking!

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Bonjooourrr

Man it is WINDY! I just ran out to throw a load of laundry into the dryer in the basement and the wind not only took some laundry out of the basket but took the whole goddamn basket out of my hands. It went careening with great comedy styling towards Walter Johns frozen potato patch at 70km an hour while I flapped along through the snow after it. I’ve engineered a kind of heavy towel tarp to go over top the next time I have to get a load dry. Now I am safe inside, with a cup of tea, watching an youtube video of a Russian lady slowly folding a towel into a decorative swan. I’ve watched this video about eighteen times and it never fails to make me feel super relaxed.

Ive been poking around reading a lot of blogs lately. Seemingly mostly by gals from NZ and it makes me miss it muchly. Its summer over there, and I miss the smell of that lovely island that is literally the polar opposite of this one. One girl does a weekly gratitude list and I realized it’s been forever since I did a “Things I Am Liking!” post. Here goes!

THINGS I AM LIKING IN FEBRUARY!

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Pie.

Love pie.

I am the most badestassenist genius to put pie on the menu at work. Because, it means, I get to make pie every other day! I have a deep spiritual connection with the act of making pie. Making pie makes me feel one with the universe like a star stuck up in the great web of the cosmos, waiting for the Space Spider of Time to unwrap it from it’s gauzy cage of ageless light and gobble it up. Or something. A La Mode gives me bones in my pants.

 

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This! Winter. I know, I should hate it, but this is a picture taken on the worst most wintery day ever and it was still beautiful as all hell. I took it while I was out foraging around like some mad badger for herbage hidden deep beneath the crunchy snow. The wind nearly sandblasting my face off the whole time, it was still nice..

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This is the kind of junk I was after. The snow let up for long enough for me to hike it to the top of the hill and grab some good stuff. I’ve never seen caribou moss with red shit on it before, I think probably it was super poisonous fungus… SUPER POISONOUS FUNGUSSSSS!

I avoided that patch..

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My awesome unicorn mug. Nicole got it for my for christmas and its amazing. I like to fill it with juice and sip it ponderously during important business meetings. 

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FOOD! We havent been eating very interesting stuff lately, but our chef sent us home with a couple nice aged P.E.I steaks on valentines day. I made broccoli and cheese sauce to go with it, and CB and I watched supernatural while making steak-love noises together. Romance!

I love all kinds of other things this month but I dont have any more pictures. I have been a neglectful blogger lately, sorry. Also I havent called you in weeks, mum! Tomorrow is my day off and we shall skype!

Toodles, y’all.

Catching Up with Dr. J. Edward Slothman

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Oh haaaaaiiiii…

Man. I’m so laaaaazzzzyyy todayyyy. I am inert, dude. Truly lackadaisacal. Like operating in 100% sloth mode. When I move, it is akin to old farm equipment starting up on a cold winters day; all creaking, moaning, and cloud of pollutants puffing out the back end. Mrrahhhhh

Last night we had a sleep over– which is what we call it when I get all excited and move the mattress from our bedroom to another room in the house and we sleep where it lands. We really only have one other room though so its just plunked down in the living room in front of the TV.

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The Grand Tour!

CB got this little device dealy that you stick in the TV and you can broadcast youtube through it, so my morning has just been loud cartoons and Nikki Minaj videos on a larger screen. Which is fun. So colourful! So much butts! Despite that kind of beautiful awakening this morning I’m still rather haggard and laggard. Not to be a bragard.. Damn, I am a wordsmith.
This post is sponsored by YeOldeMedeivalEnglishThesaurus.com.

So I realize that for the exception of my brief photo essay on Chickens Using Power Tools, I haven’t posted anything in a long time. Soz, m8s. I have been busy! Ive had more than a month off! I haven’t had to scale flour or cast side eyes at coworkers dubious work habits in weeks! It’s been incredible. Instead, we drove 7,825km there and back, visiting family and friends. Google Maps estimates that to be about 98 hours in a car. You can imagine the mountain of Tim Hortons cups we amassed on our drive.

Next time, we will probably fly, but it was an adventure! A snowy, ice stormy, white knuckly sort of adventure. But we survived! And I got to fill up on family, which is good, because my family meter has been long empty. If I were a Sims character I would have been dancing around angrily and peeing myself long ago. If you do not understand that reference, you are not cool.

I missed my fam so much. Even though travelling took up most of our time so we could only have wee visits, it was still special. I missed my mom’s b-day but I still got to make her a cake, and share christmas with my family. That hasnt happened in about 9 years I think, since I started working in kitchens. BOO KITCHENS. No j/k they’re ok. My mom is better though.

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I got to play a millions games with my brother and sister. Got to have morning coffee’s with my dad!

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Pizza lunch with my Gram and Aunty Pat. Got to annoy my cousins while my Aunt Chris made us chicken parmasen for dinner! We ate every single ethnic food we saw. Dr. Phil and lasagna with CB’s nan! Finally we got to have breakfast at our friend Anthony’s restaurant, AMAZING! Then dinner with our friend Ima later on at his third restaurant. Successful bastard. Hugs and whistle dogs with our most best friend Jess who we havent seen in so long she’s gotten all married and become a teacher! Waaah! So many hugs. Im getting better at them now. They are actually pretty cool, hugs. I think that means I’m finally starting to grow as a human being.

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I got SWEET xmas presents! Like one of these bookmarks my sister made out of leather. We lost our old stink dog Oscar a few months ago and she made the three of us booksmarks with his neurotic dog face all over them. It looks exactly like him, she is so wicked with leather. Aw, Osc. I also got an adult fleece Onesie pajamas that I wear ever minute of my life now. If it’s one piece is it still “pajamas” or just a singular pajama? And I got a fishing rod! For to catch a fish! Because I showed great aptitude for that! CBs mom made me an awesome birthday quilt and for xmas gave me these tiny ceramic skunks, probably one of my favourite presents ever now. And my brother bought me a million books. Like literally a garbage bag full of books with a christmas bow on it. I have so many books now. Thanks, bro-bot!

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We spent a lot of time at christmas with CB’s fam. We got to be their annual boxing day bash, which is always fun! There was so much food and hiding from strangers! I drank a lot of whiskey.

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It was so warm for a week in December that Arlene’s chickens started laying eggs!! She thought someone was pranking her, hiding brown, shit covered eggs all over the place. Ha! She was so excited, it was great.

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And ate a million diner breakfasts! CB’s raison d’etre. That one was at a truck stop in Quebec, it came with breakfast meat pie! Oh I also ate so much pie. One day, I ate 4 different pieces of pie. I also gained 17 pounds this month. That is not a lie or gross exaggeration. It is just gross.

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Oh yeah..

Five days ago I officially became an old bag.

Sigh.

The big Three-Oh. A solemn dong from the Gong of Eternity sounding out through the din of time, in celebration of my ever shortening, but constant and inescapable, march towards death. CB MADE ME CAKE!

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Here he is spackling on the strawberry mousse frosting with a (very clean) drywall knife. It was chocolate, with strawberries and whiskey. YEEEEAHHH!

Now if youll excuse me, I think I will make a tea and see about maybe sporting some pants perhaps. Good day!

Wild Blueberry Pie

 

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‘If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.’ – Carl Sagan

Oh SRY did I just BLOW UR MIND!? Science!!

Pie & coffee for breakfast on a sunny September morning. Yes.. yes that’ll do nicely. Thanks.

There’s something about this house that makes me want to bake pies.. and banana bread.. and paint landscapes in thick smears of oil paint like Bob Ross. Paint a happy little tree.. and then some friends, because Bob couldn’t stand a lonely tree. What a blessing of a human being he was. An angel in an afro. It makes me want to pin up laundry on the line, and DO THE DISHES. It makes me want to get up unnecessarily early just to lounge around having long chats over coffee with CB. I think this house is making us relaxed and happy.. strange how a house can do that. Its got a good spirit to it.

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Yorm. I took these pictures this morning– out on the deck (or “bridge, they say here) in my owl nightie trying to find the perfect spot of sun that will light up the blueberries just so. And then I ate it! While CB made a lovely omelette breakfast, I was stuffing my face until it was blue. And then I ate another piece.. and now it’s night time, Im home from work, dinner is in the oven AND IM EATING ANOTHER PIECE! This time with a beer, which is hitting the spot just as accurately.

I am such a rascal, ho ho ho. Oh what am I going to do with me!

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I made blueberry because I had a bucket of’em that Carol and Arlene picked when they were visiting and they were on their last legs. So I rinsed out the leaves, picked out the fuzzy ones, and scared away the caterpillar (I’m pretty sure I did anyway.. 99% sure.. there may actually be a small caterpillar in this pie…. Im sure there’s not!!!) and then I made a pie.

Next time it’ll be apple though, because Im craving cheddar cheese melted over a slice of apple pie. I was born in the wrong era.

 

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Surprise Pies & Sun Shines So Nice

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Look how big the sun is!! Its so beautifulllll

I finished work today, and stepped out into the.. I think it’s called.. Sunshine? I can barely remember how to pronounce the word.. sunshine.. yeah thats the one. I had to squint and could barely see, the magnificant white all around me, I nearly walked into the blaring white building. I’ve been like Gollum, hiding away in the dark all day, my eyes nearly fucking popped at the intensity of seeing daylight. It was also FOUR DEGREES. T-shirt weather, y’all!

It’s also Friday which means it’s PIZZA NIGHT! My favourite night. We went for a drive in the sunshine, I took my coat off. I saw birds! Real life birds, singing in the sunshine! I felt the warm sun on my back. I bought 2 cans of Newcastle Brown Ale and a couple of sprites for shandy’s! BEER AND PIZZA AND CUPCAKES AND SUNSHINE! YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH *Wildly Air-Humping with Reckless Abandon*

We got a veggie with pesto and a sausage & mushroom pizza and 2 of CB’s famous chocolate cupcakes. While trying to re-warm his icing with a torch he accidentally cooked his chocolate frosting and turned it into fudge. Amazing. Best mistake ever.

That reminds me, here’s a pic of the first cake CB and I have ever made together. He made the cake and cream cheese frosting and I slapped it all together. Aww.. romance.. sort of

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Oh also, ha! Yesterday look what presents I found on the front seat of our Buick:

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Little lemon meringue pies! They were still warm.

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I’m having my pie with pop.. cause I’m classy as all hell.

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Mmmrrrnomrnom

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Living the high life on the island on a friday night. Couple of pizza pies, some beer, boot up the Battlestar Galactica. Oh baby.

Starbuck is a bitch and I love her, I’m proud she is a Kara! STARBUCK 4EVR!

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Drinky drink, drank.. drunk..

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Dont even ask me what this is.. I took a picture because at this stage of its creation it was very pretty.. I called it “Special Dinner Surprise Fritatta” or “Cleaning Out The Fridge Smashed Up Omelette” or as CB called it.. “Kara;s magical Drain-o”. It ended up being very high in fibre when I was finished… I just emptied out all kinds of half full jars. Pizza sauce.. olives.. some old camembert… couple handfuls of sunflower seeds.. found this sweet potato in the back of the cupboard.. and whatever else.. balogne i think?? I have no idea, but I remember thinking “Yeah.. Pro Cheffin’ it UP in here, look at this. Eat your fucking couer out Jacques Pepin, this is some tasty original creation”– as I contemplate sprinkling a package of instant mashed potatoes over the olives and eggs…

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Somehow our Supermarket had one bundle of thin, beautiful, fresh asparagus for $3. I almost wept at its beauty. I bought the hell out of that mofo. And put it in my Mistake Frittata.

This week has been mostly a cold, dark, windy blur. We stayed a night at the hotel I work in though, which was one of the nicest days of my life. Just relaxing, eating 5 star food, the BED oh the softness the SOFTNESS.. I had like 7 baths. The highlight was definitely having bubble baths in a giant tub by candlelight. Oh, and playing with a robot toilet. The toilet conformed to your poop preferences! Like a little butt butler! It had a remote control, glowed in the dark so you can see where you pee– it lifts the lid for you, and had a warm seat, and shoots water all over your butthole to clean it up! Very very disturbing at first, but then it kind of grows on you, and now I’m pissed that my toilet just fucking sits there doing nothing when it could be glowing in the dark fancy colours and making water fountains on my butt! I miss that toilet.. The shower had a rain shower head and a regular shower head and it was sooo nice. I came away from my night at the hotel thinking.. man rich people must be so CLEAN. We havent been this clean in months.. maybe a year.. maybe never..

And then we came home. To a burst pipe in our laundry room.. our water is so high in chlorine that it’s not only bleaching all my clothes but now is eating through pipes. Totally flooded. Hundreds of poor hapless potato bug corpses floating around in the 3 inches of water.. dishes piled high in the sink.. 3 day old chicken bits in the garbage stinking up the joint.. Home Sweet Home. And then we had hamburger helper for dinner. From pure clean white luxury to our dirty wet stank trailer. You couldnt have gotten a more stark contrast.

Anyway, I should go to sleep. G’night!

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Day Off Day

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Its my favourite day of the week today. DAY OFF DAY! Also grocery day.

We just got our hydro bill, a whopping 3x what it has been, and I went immediately into fetal position. The last few weeks have been super rough on our heating, with the -30 weather couples with the 60km/hr winds it has just blown the heat out of our little steel box house as fast as we could generate it. Wearing 2 pairs of socks and slippers and sweaters and housecoats and hats didn’t even seem to help. So that is a bunch of poo.

Despite our belts having to be pulled even more tightly that we can hardly breathe, we still did a solid grocery shop! My fav. We did go a little over budget but once I got home I figured we had over 2 weeks of meals. So we will skip grocery day entirely next week. Due to budget constrictions and general fatness I have been trying to lay of the treats as well and opted for just one, tiny, 33gram bag of mini eggs. I have been skulking around the house like a predator looking for something sweet. You can’t even imagine my reaction to remembering my mini eggs! I exploded in what I will call “the Little Fat Girliest” display so far. But now they are gone.. and I need more.. I NEED THAT SWEET WHITE STUFF!

Anyway.. CB has just put a gorgeous picnic ham in the oven and delivered to my armchair a hot cup of chai with lots of milk so that is just going to have to be enough for me. Just gotta hack it! JUST GOTTA HACK IT! I’ve got a pot of turkey bones and veggie scraps simmering it’s way to a beautiful soup stock and this house is about the smell HARDCORE.

Work has slowed down some but I still seem to be as busy. Amidst everything else I have been making gallons of hot chocolate, pans upon pans of vanilla marshmallows and so many cookies for dunking. That’s it really for updates for me. I’m pining away for spring, when I can start doing some sweet pretty desserts. I never thought I would say this, but I’m getting bored of doughnuts and apples.

Oh! We finally went to the new cafe/bakery on the island! We had a cinnamon bun and a butter tart with coffee. It was nice. CB got a call the next day to come in and work a day so the owner could spend some time roasting his coffee. He was the worst waitress. But still managed to make all the tips for charming all the old ladies. I think they enjoyed being waited on by a giant bearded man in an apron his mum made for him. I was so proud. Mm… bakery… maybe CB wouldnt notice if I quielt got the keys and got my sugar on with a warm piece of pie down the street.. no one has to know.. it can be my little pie secret..

 

 

White Trash Wonderland

Plomp.

 

Still alive over here! We’ve been groggy, phlegmy, sore, snot covered bastards for the better part of this week. Spending our days shuffling from room to room, laying about sniffling and sipping honey tea and spreading our germs onto every possible surface. Our first sickness in New Zealand!

I’m very exciting, I’ve managed to land myself a couple of job interviews early next week. Eee! A job! I never thought I would be excited to go back to work ever again. But its no good being broke ass. Both positions are even in kitchens, I didn’t have to resort to data entry or god forbid.. nannying. *shiver*

However, Ive been such an absolute lump for the week, when I finally stood in front of a mirror, it was pretty horrifying. My hair is doing a kind of scraggly hockey player thing, and my wardrobe although indisputedly awesome, included far too many dragon themed items. So we had a shopping montage!

I gots my hair did. By an awesome Fa’afafine fellow who was bloody amazing, he was doing 3 peoples hair at once and I still got out of there in record time. Also, my haircut is the best one I ever had!

And then we had to find professional grown up lady clothes….. I hate clothes shopping. One of the first things I picked out was bright neon yellow tights. The girl at the counter looked at them and said “Oh, are you buying this for a halloween party or something?” And I proudly said “No! A job interview!” Humph.

I am not, how you say, a natural shopper. After about an hour and a half of taking pants on and off while I frowned deeply at myself from 3 different directions I gave up. CB had been posted outside the change room that was unfortunately in the ladies lingerie section of the store and he tried to avoid looking like some kind of deviant by playing iPhone games with a new level of focused intensity. I did find a shirt and jacket and immediately felt like having a nap for the rest of my life. We took a sushi break. Mmmm miso miso, fighting in the dojo! So nice.

Luckily Rosie popped up after lunch just as we were losing steam and imbued us with a new sense of purpose and vitality. We headed straight to Kmart and the Reduced To Clean store, where packaged food products go to die.

OH the majesty that is K-Mart! I haven’t been in one since I was about 10 years old before they closed them all down in Canada. It was EXACTLY THE SAME! It even had the same products, I saw atleast 4 toys I had as a kid. It was amazing. I also got a jacket and skirt for $35! YEEEAAAAHHHHH! I also bought 3 lego men mystery grab bags.. because, I can. Mine was a geisha! CB’s was a little boy in pj’s holding a teddy bear and I was forced to trade with him, because thats a creepy ass thing for a grown man to own. Rosie, rather fittingly because she works on the Spartacus television show, got a little lego Roman Soldier!

At the discount food store I purchased two amazing products. #1 was made by Cadbury, expired last week, and it was just blobs of hokey pokey (honeycomb) with cornflakes covered in milk chocolate. Holy baby jesus, it’s like crack drugs. Also, I was in the market for a toothbrush and lo and behold they had the mother of all toothbrushes. Bright green, long, elegant shape, it vibrates in 3 different intensities and was discontinued due to a large number of peoples daughters spending an inordinate amount of time on oral hygiene… for $5. AWESOME!

KFC pie

Oh and then today, we did something bad…

We snuck out of the house at the crack of noon like a couple of sneaks and had a late breakfast of PIE! But not just any pie..

KENTUCKY FRIED PIE.

Buttery almost biscuity pastry, filled with mashed potato, chunks of KFC chicken and that sweet sweet ambrosia that is KFC gravy. Uhngngngngggg so good. It was pretty amazing, but I immediately regretted eating it AS I was finishing eating it. Actually just thinking about it now is making my heart beat more slowly and erratically.. hm.. that probably is healthy.

While we were out I grabbed some baking materials, so I can whip up some good old fashioned home made bribery for my job interviews tomorrow. Wish me luck!